Why I Can't Stand Bill Plaschke

It's because of lines like this, in his latest column, about the Lakers game 1 win and, more specifically, Pau Gasol.

With his frumpy hair and delicate gait, sometimes he looked like a bird. With his long thin arms spread wide, other times he looked like a plane.

In the end, though, he looked like Super You-Know-Who, scoring 36 points with 16 rebounds to lead the Lakers to a 128-114 victory over the Nuggets in their first-round playoff opener.

Gee I didn't see where that was going.

It was a day of class, with Rick Fox bringing out the ball to start the game.

It was a day of crass, with some Lakers fans chanting, "D-U-I" when Carmelo Anthony shot his first free throws.

It was a day of sass, with Coach Phil Jackson, during pregame interviews, impulsively calling out Shaquille O'Neal for never getting his proper sleep during the playoffs.

But mostly, it was a day of Gas.

Hey! I get it! You RHYMED! How clever!!!!

I hate you.