Sorry folks, I've been way too busy at work (picking blueberries) to read anything online or watch too much in the way of sports, hence the non-activity 'round these parts. My sports viewing died when the NBA finals ended.
I've been checking up on the links at right (FJMs and such) if you're looking for something non-constructive to do.
I did have one sports related observation this week that I found interesting. Listening to WEEI on Saturday morning (commuting to work!) I heard Craig Mustard and Larry Johnson talking about how there had been something like 50 complete games by AL pitchers this year and how that was a really high number.
Then, this (paraphrased) exchange:
Johnson: "Has there been one at Fenway this year?"
Me, at the radio: "Jon Lester's no hitter"
Mustard: "I don't remember seeing one."
Me, at the radio: "Morons."
Showing posts with label Red Sox. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Red Sox. Show all posts
Monday, July 14, 2008
Tuesday, October 23, 2007
Mike Freeman, You’re a Badass Motherfucker
Seriously, if you want comedy gold and topical observations, then your man is Mike Freeman at CBS Sportsline. Let’s look at a snapshot from his column on the Indians losing 3 in a row to the Red Sox. Imagine that! Losing three games in a row! These lines appear in this order with no breaks.
Nice performance, Cleveland.
That doesn’t make sense, you say? Because they lost? Well that’s a little fucking trick we in the writing biz (okay, I’m not a writer) call sarcasm. Look it up, then maybe you can start to hang with us.
What's the matter? Couldn't get a fresh supply of HGH in time for Games 6 and 7?
Bam! Wait, not enough.
BAM! Did you see the news this weekend? HGH, bitches. Mike is on top of this shit.
There's still time to hire Joe Torre, you know.
Ooooooooooohh fuck-ing snap! Joe Torre! The ex-manager of the Yankees! Oh I think HE’S been in the newspapers a lot lately!
Or a new BALCO chemist.
(I’m just dancing now, talk amongst yourselves for seventeen minutes).
If you're looking for the Indians to get a swell pat on the back for a golly-good effort, this is not the place.
Because this is Freeman-land, so you will be ridiculed. Strap yourselves in, Cleveland Bitchdians.
This shouldn't have happened. The Indians had the Red Sox in their mitts and lost. They had them. It was this close.
For about 30 seconds.
This wasn’t THAT close. I mean, this wasn’t 2004 or anything. Cleveland never had a lead in games 5-7.
Then Cleveland quit. There's no other way to say this. That's what they did. They flat out gave up.
Well we all saw that, didn’t we. They weren’t even trying. No other way to say it. They were trying in game 2, when they won in extra innings. They were trying in game 4, when they maybe really won because Tim Wakefield failed to field a ball or even to miss a ball so it could be fielded during Cleveland's one seven-run inning (the only inning they scored in). If that ball is fielded by Wakefield or someone else, it’s a likely double play and the Red Sox are leading by the bottom of the inning (Delcarmen doesn't come in to serve up the three run homer to Peralta). But in game 4, the Indians were trying, so Wakefield just stabbed at the ball and all runners were safe. Mike says, “there’s no other way to say this.” I honestly think the only thing you can’t say is that the Indians just gave up, because that's just lazy, terrible, stupid, retarded, fucked-up analysis. I think you can point to a combination of the following:
- Regression to the mean for certain Red Sox hitters
- Bad-luck in games 5-7
- Good-luck in games 2-4
- Red Sox good luck in games 5-7
- Red Sox bad luck in games 2-4
- Josh Beckett pitched well in game 5
- Fausto Carmona and CC Sabathia couldn’t throw strikes (but they were trying to)
- Lack of home field advantage
Plus like a thousand other things. But not 'C.C. Sabathia did not try'. I don't think that's giving either team enough credit, really.
This was as painful an unraveling amid a comedy of errors as you will ever see in any sport.
In the end, as it turns out, the Indians were lucky to make this a seven-game series. In the division series, they were aided by a swarm of bugs and a pitcher on HGH. Suddenly the bugs and HGH and luck all ran out.
So now the Indians beat the Yankees because of the bugs (that they had to deal with too) and the fact that Paul Byrd has used HGH. HGH doesn’t make those 85 MPH pitches more difficult to hit.
They Indians turned J.D. Drew into a hero. That's how bad this was for Cleveland.
Because we KNOW that J.D. Drew couldn’t have hit a home run all by himself. In fact, I’m not going to look this up but I bet he’s never hit a home run against non-Indians pitching in his career.
Losing three consecutive ALCS games is an embarrassment this franchise might not live down for years.
So, by that rationale, the Diamondbacks are screwed, because they lost 4 in a row in the LCS. What about those ’04 Cardinals, swept in the World Series! They’ll never be back! I personally would be more psychologically damaged by getting my ass kicked/swept then by losing in 7 games.
Monday, October 22, 2007
Colin Cowherd, No.
Today Colin Cowherd argued that Curt Schilling was worth the money he was asking for because (paraphrased) – “Schilling has a couple of years left of being good in the postseason. If he gets you to another series in the postseason... if he gets you to the World Series, and that’s 4 more games at home in the World Series, and that’s make about $10-12 million in revenue. Schilling pays for himself getting you to one more series!”
“If he can get you 4 more games at home, that’s a $15 million windfall! Schilling pays for himself.”
Where do you start with that? I would probably mention one of the following:
- The regular season. One hundred and sixty two games, folks.
- Beckett, Papelbon, Ortiz, Ramirez, etc. also play a small role in getting you to the World Series.
- The concept of “opportunity cost”
- Lower cost alternatives coming up – Lester/Buchholz
- Maybe pitching shitty in game 2 didn’t help get the Red Sox to the World Series.
- Schilling has been fading quite a bit over the last couple years and doesn’t show the ability to be a frontline starter for long stretches anymore.
- How baseball works
“If he can get you 4 more games at home, that’s a $15 million windfall! Schilling pays for himself.”
Where do you start with that? I would probably mention one of the following:
- The regular season. One hundred and sixty two games, folks.
- Beckett, Papelbon, Ortiz, Ramirez, etc. also play a small role in getting you to the World Series.
- The concept of “opportunity cost”
- Lower cost alternatives coming up – Lester/Buchholz
- Maybe pitching shitty in game 2 didn’t help get the Red Sox to the World Series.
- Schilling has been fading quite a bit over the last couple years and doesn’t show the ability to be a frontline starter for long stretches anymore.
- How baseball works
Saturday, October 13, 2007
Scott Miller Is Still Working on His Material
Scott Miller at CBS sportsline is still pounding away the jokes. You may remember this post, where I implored him to be a little bit more economical with is material, because it’s repetitive and sucky. No dice. Let’s take a look at some of his review of the ALCS game 1 from Friday night.
How about next time C.C. Sabathia simply hands over his lunch money to Manny Ramirez before the trouble starts?
Manny Ramirez owns C.C. Sabathia, as the numbers show (Miller give us these numbers, Ramirez is hitting .609 lifetime against Sabathia).
What happened after school at the bus stop between the neighborhood bully and the neighborhood shrimp was civil in comparison.
Got it. As John Kerry would say, Manny Ortiz has been dominating.
And oh, while he's at it, Sabathia might want to just present David Ortiz with the keys to his Hummer, or whatever ride he's cruising around in now.
Is everyone on board with Scott’s line of humor now? Don't worry, he'll drive this home for you more than Ramirez and Ortiz crossed home last night! Ding!
Probably, genuflecting in front of the both of them is out of the question. But it sure merits consideration.
Fuck you.
I think before game 2, Fausto Carmona should just blow Manny Ramirez!
Okay that was mine.
Here we were at the much-anticipated pitching showdown between two of the top American League Cy Young candidates in Game 1 here Friday night, and a Josh Beckett hoedown broke out. Or mow down. As Beckett soared, Sabathia was gored.
Somewhere in Los Angeles, Bill Plaschke just wiped a single tear off his cheek while he read this. “Such poetry!” he proclaimed. Then he chastised Miller for having three sentences in a paragraph. One and done, that’s his motto.
Or before Manny and Big Papi swipe their wallets and wedding rings, too.
Is everyone up to speed? Manny and Big Papi are hitting real good. We have numbers to support this, but that’s not enough color, right? So we need Scott Miller, in the same column, saying that the Indians/Sabathia should just hand over lunch money, keys to a Hummer, wallets and wedding rings, then bow in admiration. Can’t numbers just say this much more effectively.
Actually, let’s look at the numbers. No jokes here, but the numbers are insane, so I had to leave them in there.
And the two of them together? This postseason, Ortiz has reached base in 16 of 18 plate appearances, and Ramirez has reached in 13 of 18 plate appearances.
Together, they've reached in 29 of 36 plate appearances, going 12-for-19 (.805 on-base percentage) with 16 walks, one hit batter (Ortiz) and 12 runs scored. It's ludicrous.
Those numbers are ludicrous, and they speak for themselves.
"I've never seen anything like it," Boston third baseman Mike Lowell said.
"That's kind of extreme," Red Sox manager Terry Francona said.
"Would you like some fries with all those shakes?" said the Indians.
Yes, those three quotes appear in order. I’ve read this joke like 50 times and I can’t figure out what it means.
How about next time C.C. Sabathia simply hands over his lunch money to Manny Ramirez before the trouble starts?
Manny Ramirez owns C.C. Sabathia, as the numbers show (Miller give us these numbers, Ramirez is hitting .609 lifetime against Sabathia).
What happened after school at the bus stop between the neighborhood bully and the neighborhood shrimp was civil in comparison.
Got it. As John Kerry would say, Manny Ortiz has been dominating.
And oh, while he's at it, Sabathia might want to just present David Ortiz with the keys to his Hummer, or whatever ride he's cruising around in now.
Is everyone on board with Scott’s line of humor now? Don't worry, he'll drive this home for you more than Ramirez and Ortiz crossed home last night! Ding!
Probably, genuflecting in front of the both of them is out of the question. But it sure merits consideration.
Fuck you.
I think before game 2, Fausto Carmona should just blow Manny Ramirez!
Okay that was mine.
Here we were at the much-anticipated pitching showdown between two of the top American League Cy Young candidates in Game 1 here Friday night, and a Josh Beckett hoedown broke out. Or mow down. As Beckett soared, Sabathia was gored.
Somewhere in Los Angeles, Bill Plaschke just wiped a single tear off his cheek while he read this. “Such poetry!” he proclaimed. Then he chastised Miller for having three sentences in a paragraph. One and done, that’s his motto.
Or before Manny and Big Papi swipe their wallets and wedding rings, too.
Is everyone up to speed? Manny and Big Papi are hitting real good. We have numbers to support this, but that’s not enough color, right? So we need Scott Miller, in the same column, saying that the Indians/Sabathia should just hand over lunch money, keys to a Hummer, wallets and wedding rings, then bow in admiration. Can’t numbers just say this much more effectively.
Actually, let’s look at the numbers. No jokes here, but the numbers are insane, so I had to leave them in there.
And the two of them together? This postseason, Ortiz has reached base in 16 of 18 plate appearances, and Ramirez has reached in 13 of 18 plate appearances.
Together, they've reached in 29 of 36 plate appearances, going 12-for-19 (.805 on-base percentage) with 16 walks, one hit batter (Ortiz) and 12 runs scored. It's ludicrous.
Those numbers are ludicrous, and they speak for themselves.
"I've never seen anything like it," Boston third baseman Mike Lowell said.
"That's kind of extreme," Red Sox manager Terry Francona said.
"Would you like some fries with all those shakes?" said the Indians.
Yes, those three quotes appear in order. I’ve read this joke like 50 times and I can’t figure out what it means.
Wednesday, October 3, 2007
Is Jon Heyman Kidding?
Jon Heyman has written a playoff preview (here), that actually included this line:
Boston has lorded over the Angels in the postseason (remember Dave Henderson?).
Yeah, I do. I was nine. I also remember how I had an Ellis Burks Starting Lineup figure that was actually Dave Henderson’s face. What’s your point?
Don’t you think the 2004 playoffs are more relevant to this little analysis?
Trick question, they both mean jack shit. It still would have made more sense though.
Boston has lorded over the Angels in the postseason (remember Dave Henderson?).
Yeah, I do. I was nine. I also remember how I had an Ellis Burks Starting Lineup figure that was actually Dave Henderson’s face. What’s your point?
Don’t you think the 2004 playoffs are more relevant to this little analysis?
Trick question, they both mean jack shit. It still would have made more sense though.
Friday, September 21, 2007
Red Sox – Yankees Games Are So Long…..
You: How long are they?
Scott Miller: So long I wrote over 850 words about it with a ton of jokes!
The Red Sox and Yankees play long games. There, that was easy. A little boring, yes, but easy. But the problem is that I’m not funny, so that wasn’t entertaining. Scott Miller at CBS Sportsline.com, now that guy is funny. Don’t believe me? Well read here how he tells you that the Red Sox and Yankees play long games. This is probably not safe for work or if you’re eating, because you’re riotous laughter will probably get you fired, or you may just choke to death (see, i'm not funny).
Weekend Buzz: You can catch Z's in ALCS if Yankees, Sox meet
Some excerpts:
Except, when they get together with the Yankees, "steaming" isn't quite the correct verb. "Plodding", maybe. "Walking." "Lollygagging."
So…the games are long. Okay.
During their 18-game series this summer, the average time of a Yankees-Red Sox game was 3 hours and 35 minutes. The average nine-inning AL game lasted 2:54.
A grand total of 17 of the 18 Red Sox-Yankees games lasted three hours or longer, seven of the 18 were 3½ hours or longer and two of the 17 took more than four hours to play.
Just one lasted fewer than three hours -- barely. New York's 8-3 win on May 23 checked in at 2:59.
Informative, nice work. Thanks. That’s a lot of info that is mildly interesting.
Zzzzz. ...
Ahahahaha….you “fell asleep”. Hi-larious.
Geez, no wonder Daisuke Matsuzaka (14-12, 4.41 ERA) hasn't been all that for the Red Sox this year. The guy threw 120 pitches on Friday and it only got him through 5 2/3 innings. Last laugh is on him regarding that supposedly luxurious six-year, $52 million contract. It works out to about 12 cents an hour in Yankees games.
The games are so long that…$8.5+ million/year = 12 cents….per hour…pretty funny! That’s funny because Daisuke makes a lot of money so the games must be real long for his hourly rate to be so diluted!
Not a good joke, but whatever we can’t all be as funny as Gene Wojciechowski (myself definitely included). The problem is that it doesn’t end there.
On Red Sox reliever Hideki Okajima's recent struggles:
Perhaps the "Okey-Dokey" wouldn't be fading in Fenway if the Red Sox and Yankees didn't play at hokey-pokey pace.
Please.
Stop.
The Yankees and Red Sox may have the game's two highest payrolls, but they continue to play like a couple of persnickety art collectors.
Wow, just wow. Because they are really detailed? I don’t get it.
Not that Friday night's game took forever, but after watching the first inning on television, I mowed my grass twice, washed my fleet of cars, shot a round of golf, cooked a six-course dinner ... and still caught the last three innings.
Right. Long. Gotcha.
On the prospect of another Yankees – Red Sox ALCS:
This happens again, then Fox should ask for 3 p.m. start times -- so that innings 6 through 9 can be played in prime time, rather than at 2 a.m. No-Doz can sponsor.
So, in this case, you could have thrown any one of those jokes in there and it merely would have been a bad joke following some informative data on game lengths. You have to just use your best joke and end it. I’ll use an example to show what I mean:
Me: Stu, did you see the Red Sox game last night.
Stuart Scott: A little, I was sort of half watching it.
Me: Oh right, because of your lazy eye. Well it was so long I think Roger Clemens retired in the 3rd and unretired in the 8th.
Stuart Scott: What did you say?
Me: It was so long I’m pretty sure I could have driven to Fenway from the Bronx in the fourth and made it by the 7th inning stretch.
Stuart Scott: About MY EYE?
Me: It was so long that Tim Wakefield changed his name to Tim Sleepfield and Philip Hughes to Philip SNOOZE!
Me: It was so long that I mowed my grass twice, washed my fleet of cars, shot a round of golf, cooked a six course dinner…and still caught the last three innings.
See how that got progressively worse? Don’t do that. One joke and end it.
Scott Miller: So long I wrote over 850 words about it with a ton of jokes!
The Red Sox and Yankees play long games. There, that was easy. A little boring, yes, but easy. But the problem is that I’m not funny, so that wasn’t entertaining. Scott Miller at CBS Sportsline.com, now that guy is funny. Don’t believe me? Well read here how he tells you that the Red Sox and Yankees play long games. This is probably not safe for work or if you’re eating, because you’re riotous laughter will probably get you fired, or you may just choke to death (see, i'm not funny).
Weekend Buzz: You can catch Z's in ALCS if Yankees, Sox meet
Some excerpts:
Except, when they get together with the Yankees, "steaming" isn't quite the correct verb. "Plodding", maybe. "Walking." "Lollygagging."
So…the games are long. Okay.
During their 18-game series this summer, the average time of a Yankees-Red Sox game was 3 hours and 35 minutes. The average nine-inning AL game lasted 2:54.
A grand total of 17 of the 18 Red Sox-Yankees games lasted three hours or longer, seven of the 18 were 3½ hours or longer and two of the 17 took more than four hours to play.
Just one lasted fewer than three hours -- barely. New York's 8-3 win on May 23 checked in at 2:59.
Informative, nice work. Thanks. That’s a lot of info that is mildly interesting.
Zzzzz. ...
Ahahahaha….you “fell asleep”. Hi-larious.
Geez, no wonder Daisuke Matsuzaka (14-12, 4.41 ERA) hasn't been all that for the Red Sox this year. The guy threw 120 pitches on Friday and it only got him through 5 2/3 innings. Last laugh is on him regarding that supposedly luxurious six-year, $52 million contract. It works out to about 12 cents an hour in Yankees games.
The games are so long that…$8.5+ million/year = 12 cents….per hour…pretty funny! That’s funny because Daisuke makes a lot of money so the games must be real long for his hourly rate to be so diluted!
Not a good joke, but whatever we can’t all be as funny as Gene Wojciechowski (myself definitely included). The problem is that it doesn’t end there.
On Red Sox reliever Hideki Okajima's recent struggles:
Perhaps the "Okey-Dokey" wouldn't be fading in Fenway if the Red Sox and Yankees didn't play at hokey-pokey pace.
Please.
Stop.
The Yankees and Red Sox may have the game's two highest payrolls, but they continue to play like a couple of persnickety art collectors.
Wow, just wow. Because they are really detailed? I don’t get it.
Not that Friday night's game took forever, but after watching the first inning on television, I mowed my grass twice, washed my fleet of cars, shot a round of golf, cooked a six-course dinner ... and still caught the last three innings.
Right. Long. Gotcha.
On the prospect of another Yankees – Red Sox ALCS:
This happens again, then Fox should ask for 3 p.m. start times -- so that innings 6 through 9 can be played in prime time, rather than at 2 a.m. No-Doz can sponsor.
So, in this case, you could have thrown any one of those jokes in there and it merely would have been a bad joke following some informative data on game lengths. You have to just use your best joke and end it. I’ll use an example to show what I mean:
Me: Stu, did you see the Red Sox game last night.
Stuart Scott: A little, I was sort of half watching it.
Me: Oh right, because of your lazy eye. Well it was so long I think Roger Clemens retired in the 3rd and unretired in the 8th.
Stuart Scott: What did you say?
Me: It was so long I’m pretty sure I could have driven to Fenway from the Bronx in the fourth and made it by the 7th inning stretch.
Stuart Scott: About MY EYE?
Me: It was so long that Tim Wakefield changed his name to Tim Sleepfield and Philip Hughes to Philip SNOOZE!
Me: It was so long that I mowed my grass twice, washed my fleet of cars, shot a round of golf, cooked a six course dinner…and still caught the last three innings.
See how that got progressively worse? Don’t do that. One joke and end it.
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