Colin Cowherd, That's Not What he Meant

On yesterday's radio show, Colin Cowherd discussed how he believed European players can't really be relied on to win an NBA championship.

It was a long (felt long) and painful discussion that included the following:

NBA General Managers love drafting European guys over American kids, not because they’re better, but because of the mystery or the unknown. That’s what I always say about Yoga. Do you know why Yoga is so popular? Because it’s so popular in India. If it was from Nashville, they’d call it stretching. But it’s from India – and they don’t have bathrooms, there’s rubble, and it’s different and most people haven’t been there – it’s mysterious – and we like what we can’t have.

If you've heard Cowherd you realize this kind of stuff is the norm. He basically puts down the general work ethic of the entire continent of Europe and implies that their basketball players are sort of lazy and soft. It was pretty stupid, but I don't have the energy to parse through it.

Anyway, this was near the end of his discussion:

Look at what Sasha Vujacic said about Ray Allen… "He got me. I was afraid to foul him – he just got me."

Afraid? You don’t hear a kid from Chicago say that. And I know I’ll get soccer fans or a guy listening on the web overseas. “Colin, you’re such an ugly American”. What…eva. (yeah, he said it like that).

Vujacic was not literally fearful of the physical contact that comes with fouling a player, dipshit. He didn't want to send the seventh best FT shooter in NBA history to the free throw line.

Colin Cowherd Thinks Lebron James is Boring to Watch Play Basketball

I didn’t address yesterday’s comments from Colin Cowherd when he said there’s been 70 great guards in NBA history but only a few (I think he said 8) great centers, all to (somehow) support his theory that guards are more important than big men (ignoring the fact that 8 of the last 10 championships have been won with Duncan and Shaq). It all made no sense, so I gave up on writing a post. This happens a lot with Colin. I listen to something and say “man, that’s terrible – I should post on that”…but I have a hard time describing what the fuck he was saying and I’m too lazy to transcribe it. This happened last year when he said that Kauffman Stadium was the worst baseball park to watch a game in because the Royals were terrible. I stared at my keyboard for a good 5 minutes there.

Anyway, here are some of quotes from today’s show, about Lebron James.

“I just don’t like watching him play.”

“Lebron doesn’t entertain me.”

“I don’t find him that visually stimulating, he doesn’t have much of a jumper, he scores a lot of points at the free throw line. I know he’s great, he just doesn’t move me artistically like a Kobe.”

“Lebron is not super-vertical, he’s not artistic like Kobe…. he’s not that consistent.”

So, in conclusion – Lebron James – is boring to watch play basketball. He’s not “super-vertical” – which must mean he doesn’t have great ups…not enough of a dunker for Colin. THIS GUY IS NOT ENTERTAINING, AND IS NOT “SUPER VERTICAL”.

Seriously – he played a bad game – 2 for 18 with 10 turnovers. That’s some ugly shit. No reason to make sweeping statements about the guy. Inconsistent? He had a bad game. He led the league in scoring this year. Isn’t that, like, consistently scoring a lot of points? I know you need radio fodder but c’mon. The guy did a through the leg dunk in a high school game – don’t say he’s not super-vertical.

One of his main complaints is that Lebron scores too high a percentage of his points at the line. Um, Lebron averaged more points than Kobe this year, but scored 1 less point per game than Kobe from the line. So….that….point…would apply to Kobe, right? His game is not as smooth as Kobe Bryant’s, but no one’s is. Is that where we draw the line between an entertaining player and a boring player?

Colin Cowherd’s NBA analysis is scary bad.

Colin Cowherd, WHAT???

From today’s show, talking about Kobe Bryant:

“Offensively, he’s the greatest player I’ve ever seen because he’s the most creative. Whereas Jordan relied on two or three stock moves for much of his offense. Kobe makes stuff up, every time down the floor.”

Ignoring the fact that a player who dribbles the ball only with his right hand, but goes 20 for 20 every game on 17 foot two handed setshots would arguably be the least creative offensive player ever, yet still arguably be the best, what the fuck are you talking about????

Cowherd did say that Jordan was a better player than Kobe Bryant. But can we pause on this? Jordan relied on two or three stock moves? WHAT? WHAT?????

No really, in all seriousness, WHAT?

Colin Cowherd, No.

Today Colin Cowherd argued that Curt Schilling was worth the money he was asking for because (paraphrased) – “Schilling has a couple of years left of being good in the postseason. If he gets you to another series in the postseason... if he gets you to the World Series, and that’s 4 more games at home in the World Series, and that’s make about $10-12 million in revenue. Schilling pays for himself getting you to one more series!”

“If he can get you 4 more games at home, that’s a $15 million windfall! Schilling pays for himself.”

Where do you start with that? I would probably mention one of the following:

- The regular season. One hundred and sixty two games, folks.
- Beckett, Papelbon, Ortiz, Ramirez, etc. also play a small role in getting you to the World Series.
- The concept of “opportunity cost”
- Lower cost alternatives coming up – Lester/Buchholz
- Maybe pitching shitty in game 2 didn’t help get the Red Sox to the World Series.
- Schilling has been fading quite a bit over the last couple years and doesn’t show the ability to be a frontline starter for long stretches anymore.
- How baseball works

Simmons v. Cowherd part II

On today's Bill Simmons chat:

Mason: (SC): You should bring Cowherd on the BS report so he can show you how to do interesting radio.

Bill Simmons: (4:50 PM ET ) Does "interesting" mean "skim somebody's column over a 2-minute break, then pick it apart on live radio with no facts to back it up?"

I'm asking this with all honesty......Do people like Colin Cowherd? I thought he was one of those guys that you just listen to because he's so terrible, yet so smug that you just listen to get mad. Just me? Sweet.

By the way Round 1 was covered by awfulannouncing and a few other outlets/blogs.