Before I get to TMQ, can someone help me out with something. This is from Scoop Jackson's column about the Michael Crabtree holdout:
But in truth, he does have recourse. Despite reports that the Jets may be interested in talking with Crabtree, there's still a backup plan: re-enter the draft next year and hope to get picked higher than he did this year. Yet this tactic is something that could and probably would affect his entire career, not just his rookie season. (It's the same move that agent Charles Tucker tried with the Milwaukee Bucks and Glenn Robinson in 1994, a move that haunted Robinson throughout his career. Just something to think about.)
A. Glenn Robinson was the number 1 pick. I don't think he had any designs on holding out to be re-drafted at the zero slot in 1995.
B. The hold out did not "haunt" Glenn Robinson throughout his entire career. That's made-up bullshit.
Now to the T&A loving badboy Gregg Easterbrook!
In other football news, perhaps Tuesday Morning Quarterback was premature in declaring last week that courage was breaking out across the NFL. (examples of coaches not going for it). So when courage might have saved the day, an NFL coach was hyper-conservative, desperate to avoid responsibility; when it made absolutely no difference what he did because the game was lost, the coach went for it. See other examples of NFL coaching timidity below.
That's funny, because just last week I declared that your declaration was probably just a lazy lead-in to your column, since teams went for it on fourth down at the same level as week 1 and not at a level that was too anomalous with previous seasons. In week 3 teams had 42 fourth down attempts. This is versus 34 in both weeks 1 and 2. Now, I understand that Easterbrook is not just talking about the quantity of attempts, but the scenarios in which the attempts were made (when the game was up for grabs versus when the game was essentially lost). However, I have to think that over 3 weeks, behaviors haven't changed that much - especially from week 1 to week 2 and from week 2 to week 3.
Sweet 'N' Sour Play No. 2: Note 3: (play recap...). San Diego versus Miami -- why wasn't this game played on a beach with the cheerleaders in bikinis?
Because the TMQ likes girls in bikinis, right! T&A man! Right on! He's just like us, only he likes to write 1,000 words about "cosmic thoughts"! Shut up.
Hidden Play of the Week No. 1: Hidden plays are ones that never make highlight reels, but stop or sustain drives. Highlight reels are showing Carson Palmer's last-snap-of-the-game touchdown pass to Andre Caldwell, enabling Cincinnati to defeat defending champion Pittsburgh. (Cincinnati also was in trips at the goal line, and Pittsburgh didn't jam either.) Twice on that winning drive, the Trick-or-Treats faced fourth down -- fourth-and-2 and fourth-and-10. Palmer completed conversion passes both times, helped by solid pass-blocking. These hidden plays made the game winner possible.
All highlights I saw of the game showed these 4th down conversions. This would be the opposite of “never making highlight reels”.
Yeah it's not much, but I had to fly through this week's column.
Showing posts with label Scoop Jackson. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Scoop Jackson. Show all posts
Tuesday, September 29, 2009
Friday, May 1, 2009
Some Heroic Randomness
So between job, wife, baby and life I haven’t been able to read much online lately. When I do it’s usually financial news, given all that is going on. But I have been watching the NBA playoffs, and I had a few snippets I figured I’d throw up on the ‘ol blog.
This is from a recent column where Jemele Hill and Scoop Jackson answered some questions about the upcoming NBA playoffs.
Question: Which player is most likely to jump into the national spotlight and make fans think, "Damn, I didn't realize he was that good"?
Scoop Jackson: John Salmons of the Chicago Bulls. Being in Chi-town, I've been lucky enough to watch this dude light up teams ever since the trade that brought him here in February. While some players are straight slept on, this cat was hibernated on by everyone except his family members and probably some ex-girlfriends. He can flat-out ball! Now I know he's barely played in the playoffs before, and it's a whole other level of comp and intensity. But from what I've seen over the past 30 games or so, Salmons (along with Ben Gordon, because he's playing for a new contract) is going to make a lot of fantasy hoop dudes pissed because they've been hibernatin' on him.
This paragraph made my head spin.
Why?
1. He calls John Salmons “cat” and “dude”. He does this because it’s part of his ultra-cool “Ladies Man” like writing style. Ya dig? Sorry I’m hatin, yo.
2. He is clearly very pleased with his discovery that he could use the word “hibernating” to mean “really slept on” (he had the italics in there). Sorry, “hibernatin’”. Next he’ll just start dropping “natin” into columns or something.
3. It’s now acceptable to just take words that are never abbreviated and just abbreviate them without a period or anything. Example being competition just becomes comp. Scoop Jackson is a whole ‘nother breed of ter writers.
4. No fantasy hoop dudes were “hibernatin’” on John Salmons and Ben Gordon.
5. Fantasy leagues generally end with the end of the regular season, so even if people were sleeping on your boy, it wouldn’t matter.
6. Remember last year Scoop said that the Suns were pretty much guaranteed a finals spot because they traded for Big and he’s made the finals in his 3 previous stops in the NBA? I do. Okay that has nothing to do with this post.
Scoop also said that Tony Parker was the best point guard in the NBA and pointed to the fact that he’s won a finals MVP and Chris Paul hasn’t made a finals yet. Yup. It’s that simple folks.
Bill Simmons recently wrote a column about how the Bulls – Celtics playoff series is awesome and stuff, which included this sentence.
They [the Celtics and Bulls] have veteran crowds that know how to affect games and make them a little more fun to watch.
Yeah, take that San Antonio. You too, Los Angeles. In Boston and Chicago, we actually affect the games that we watch. We’re blue collar. We’re a part of the action. We have veteran crowds. Fact: The crowds in Los Angeles skipped college and are only in their second year of following the NBA. The crowd in New Orleans had an average age of 7. No surprise they aren’t in the playoffs any more. We direct the outcome in Chicago and Boston. It is our will, passion, and intensity as basketball fans that make our teams win. You douchebags can come late (LA) and stare at the jumbotron (which they probably do in like, Miami, because those people are stupid and are probably day dreaming about Gloria Estefan and Dan Marino fucking the whole time anyway). In Boston and Chicago, we’ll just keeping living basketball history, thank you.
You have to love any series in which Ben Gordon finally realizes his destiny as a playoff killer. As a Celtics fan, I'm terrified. As a basketball fan, I'm titillated. But it was always meant to be. Even if comparisons to Vinnie "Microwave" Johnson make more sense on paper, I'd liken him more to a shorter Andrew Toney.
Saying that Ben Gordon is a shorter Andrew Toney is like saying that Shaquille O’Neal is a shorter Wilt Chamberlain. They are, like, the same fucking height. Maybe ½ to 1 inch difference, which doesn’t matter unless you have freakish Sam Perkins-like arms. I know I know…Toney may actually be slightly taller…but it’s not like a 4 inch difference or something that would impact the way they play.
Last night I watched the Sportscenter recap of the great Bulls-Celtics game 6 matchup. Jalen Rose described Ray Allen’s game (51 points) as being “heroic”. Um, okay. A little strong, but it was an awesome game and he played great. I’ll go with that. Then about 20 seconds later the anchor had the following back and forth with Rose:
Anchor (I forget): How bad does Kevin Garnett want to be out there?
Jalen Rose: Oh…Heroically!
Yeahhhhh.. Sure. I like it, that’s my new word for “really”. I want Jemele Hill to write a real column that I can puke on heroically bad.
On WEEI this morning (Boston radio), they were talking about the play of Glen Davis in this series and specifically about the matchups with Chicago. Dennis and or Callahan pegged his height at 6’6” or even 6’5”. After the 6'5" comment, John Meter-Perel chimed in with “at most”. He’s listed at 6’9”. Why is this so hard? Some analysts talk about height like they are trying to quantify the players “heart” or something.
One day I’ll read a bad column and maybe comment on it.
This is from a recent column where Jemele Hill and Scoop Jackson answered some questions about the upcoming NBA playoffs.
Question: Which player is most likely to jump into the national spotlight and make fans think, "Damn, I didn't realize he was that good"?
Scoop Jackson: John Salmons of the Chicago Bulls. Being in Chi-town, I've been lucky enough to watch this dude light up teams ever since the trade that brought him here in February. While some players are straight slept on, this cat was hibernated on by everyone except his family members and probably some ex-girlfriends. He can flat-out ball! Now I know he's barely played in the playoffs before, and it's a whole other level of comp and intensity. But from what I've seen over the past 30 games or so, Salmons (along with Ben Gordon, because he's playing for a new contract) is going to make a lot of fantasy hoop dudes pissed because they've been hibernatin' on him.
This paragraph made my head spin.
Why?
1. He calls John Salmons “cat” and “dude”. He does this because it’s part of his ultra-cool “Ladies Man” like writing style. Ya dig? Sorry I’m hatin, yo.
2. He is clearly very pleased with his discovery that he could use the word “hibernating” to mean “really slept on” (he had the italics in there). Sorry, “hibernatin’”. Next he’ll just start dropping “natin” into columns or something.
3. It’s now acceptable to just take words that are never abbreviated and just abbreviate them without a period or anything. Example being competition just becomes comp. Scoop Jackson is a whole ‘nother breed of ter writers.
4. No fantasy hoop dudes were “hibernatin’” on John Salmons and Ben Gordon.
5. Fantasy leagues generally end with the end of the regular season, so even if people were sleeping on your boy, it wouldn’t matter.
6. Remember last year Scoop said that the Suns were pretty much guaranteed a finals spot because they traded for Big and he’s made the finals in his 3 previous stops in the NBA? I do. Okay that has nothing to do with this post.
Scoop also said that Tony Parker was the best point guard in the NBA and pointed to the fact that he’s won a finals MVP and Chris Paul hasn’t made a finals yet. Yup. It’s that simple folks.
Bill Simmons recently wrote a column about how the Bulls – Celtics playoff series is awesome and stuff, which included this sentence.
They [the Celtics and Bulls] have veteran crowds that know how to affect games and make them a little more fun to watch.
Yeah, take that San Antonio. You too, Los Angeles. In Boston and Chicago, we actually affect the games that we watch. We’re blue collar. We’re a part of the action. We have veteran crowds. Fact: The crowds in Los Angeles skipped college and are only in their second year of following the NBA. The crowd in New Orleans had an average age of 7. No surprise they aren’t in the playoffs any more. We direct the outcome in Chicago and Boston. It is our will, passion, and intensity as basketball fans that make our teams win. You douchebags can come late (LA) and stare at the jumbotron (which they probably do in like, Miami, because those people are stupid and are probably day dreaming about Gloria Estefan and Dan Marino fucking the whole time anyway). In Boston and Chicago, we’ll just keeping living basketball history, thank you.
You have to love any series in which Ben Gordon finally realizes his destiny as a playoff killer. As a Celtics fan, I'm terrified. As a basketball fan, I'm titillated. But it was always meant to be. Even if comparisons to Vinnie "Microwave" Johnson make more sense on paper, I'd liken him more to a shorter Andrew Toney.
Saying that Ben Gordon is a shorter Andrew Toney is like saying that Shaquille O’Neal is a shorter Wilt Chamberlain. They are, like, the same fucking height. Maybe ½ to 1 inch difference, which doesn’t matter unless you have freakish Sam Perkins-like arms. I know I know…Toney may actually be slightly taller…but it’s not like a 4 inch difference or something that would impact the way they play.
Last night I watched the Sportscenter recap of the great Bulls-Celtics game 6 matchup. Jalen Rose described Ray Allen’s game (51 points) as being “heroic”. Um, okay. A little strong, but it was an awesome game and he played great. I’ll go with that. Then about 20 seconds later the anchor had the following back and forth with Rose:
Anchor (I forget): How bad does Kevin Garnett want to be out there?
Jalen Rose: Oh…Heroically!
Yeahhhhh.. Sure. I like it, that’s my new word for “really”. I want Jemele Hill to write a real column that I can puke on heroically bad.
On WEEI this morning (Boston radio), they were talking about the play of Glen Davis in this series and specifically about the matchups with Chicago. Dennis and or Callahan pegged his height at 6’6” or even 6’5”. After the 6'5" comment, John Meter-Perel chimed in with “at most”. He’s listed at 6’9”. Why is this so hard? Some analysts talk about height like they are trying to quantify the players “heart” or something.
One day I’ll read a bad column and maybe comment on it.
Monday, July 28, 2008
Scoop Jackson and Whatnot
Scoop Jackson wrote about what a swell year 1998 was for Sports. The column included this paragraph:
Now think of the effect of that shot. That last one of Michael Jordan's true career, the end of the Bulls Era. (Note: The previous game -- the flu/food poison game -- is still considered by many as Jordan's greatest performance.)
Now think of how you, Scoop, Mr. NBA writer...former editor of Slam Magazine (I think)....didn't know the Flu game was game 5 of the '97 Finals, not '98. Seems minor, but any NBA writer would remember that the flu game was in Utah, as was game 6 of '98. So even if it's a typo on the year, he should have realized that they don't play game 5 and 6 in the same arena....in any round of the playoffs.
I've been working like 70 hours a week and neglecting my fantasy team, so I click a link on the yahoo page to check out some solid fantasy advice from Brad Evans.
Shrouded by Randy Johnson's hillbilly-sexy mullet, Eric Byrnes'medical record stacks and discarded tissues shed over Chris Snyder's originally-diagnosed-fractured-but-was-technically-bruised testicle is an underappreciated Snake that has slithered in the desert.
The pitcher poisonous reptile is Chad Tracy.
Brad Evans...you are trying way to hard. Like....10 x's too hard. You have an easy, bullshit job. Just tell me who to pick up.
Over the past three weeks, the corner infielder's swing has sizzled like the sweltering sun in the Sonoran sky.
Can't you just say: Pick up Chad Tracy, and then give me some stats? No? That's not "bringing the noise, yo", like only a 30 year old whiteboy can?
During that span he's hit safely in 13 of 17 games, hammering out 22 hits in 58 at-bats (.379 BA). His 14 RBIs, eight runs and eight extra-base hits in that stretch are equally impressive.
Hey! That's helpful.
Let's see what he has to say about Melvin Mora:
Mora has rampaged through opposing pitchers with Cal Ripken flair since the break. Injected with cortisone, and presumably the Iron Man's DNA, earlier this month.....
Injected with the "Iron Man's DNA" sounds kind of gay.
Now think of the effect of that shot. That last one of Michael Jordan's true career, the end of the Bulls Era. (Note: The previous game -- the flu/food poison game -- is still considered by many as Jordan's greatest performance.)
Now think of how you, Scoop, Mr. NBA writer...former editor of Slam Magazine (I think)....didn't know the Flu game was game 5 of the '97 Finals, not '98. Seems minor, but any NBA writer would remember that the flu game was in Utah, as was game 6 of '98. So even if it's a typo on the year, he should have realized that they don't play game 5 and 6 in the same arena....in any round of the playoffs.
I've been working like 70 hours a week and neglecting my fantasy team, so I click a link on the yahoo page to check out some solid fantasy advice from Brad Evans.
Shrouded by Randy Johnson's hillbilly-sexy mullet, Eric Byrnes'medical record stacks and discarded tissues shed over Chris Snyder's originally-diagnosed-fractured-but-was-technically-bruised testicle is an underappreciated Snake that has slithered in the desert.
The pitcher poisonous reptile is Chad Tracy.
Brad Evans...you are trying way to hard. Like....10 x's too hard. You have an easy, bullshit job. Just tell me who to pick up.
Over the past three weeks, the corner infielder's swing has sizzled like the sweltering sun in the Sonoran sky.
Can't you just say: Pick up Chad Tracy, and then give me some stats? No? That's not "bringing the noise, yo", like only a 30 year old whiteboy can?
During that span he's hit safely in 13 of 17 games, hammering out 22 hits in 58 at-bats (.379 BA). His 14 RBIs, eight runs and eight extra-base hits in that stretch are equally impressive.
Hey! That's helpful.
Let's see what he has to say about Melvin Mora:
Mora has rampaged through opposing pitchers with Cal Ripken flair since the break. Injected with cortisone, and presumably the Iron Man's DNA, earlier this month.....
Injected with the "Iron Man's DNA" sounds kind of gay.
Tuesday, June 3, 2008
Some Sanity and Some Jibberish
I skimmed ESPN Page 2 today and noted that Tim Keown had a brief write-up on Robert Horry not being a Hall of Famer. It’ll be interesting to see how many posts I have up on this site after Horry retires responding to writers who argue for Horry to make the Hall, so I figured I’d link this now.
Then there’s Scoop Jackson.
There's a term used in the community called "thirsty."
“The community”. How about “the world”. There’s a term in the world of English speaking people. Why be so exclusionary, buddy?
It means what you think it means, but it's now being used in different contexts. Only to make a point of the extremes to which some people will go to get what they want. More severely, what they need.
Nooo…that’s pretty much what I figured you meant. You're not writing about nutrition on ESPN.com.
Kobe Bryant, for lack of more sophisticated terminology, is thirsty.
Gotcha. So what else are we going to talk about? Matchups? Some Lakers-Celtics history?
Oh, much much much more on Kobe Bryant’s thirst?
His thirst for another NBA title is that of an amplitude we may not have ever seen before. Not in sports, business, crime, corruption or politics.
Kobe Bryant, a 3-time NBA champion, is not more thirsty than John Elway was to end his career as the guy who kept losing the big game. He’s not more thirsty than Jordan, Isiah, or Shaq were to break through and win a championship. He’s not more thirsty than Andy Fastow was to siphon money out of Enron or than Bill Gates was when he started Microsoft.
Keeping it community: He's thirsty like a fiend.
Scoop, I’m just going to come out and ask you this. Do you not want me reading this? I’m white. Is “community” supposed to be “the black community”? Are you just talking to people in that community? Can you “keep it” in a more inclusionary manner please? Is this why I never understand you? Because you don’t want me to?
Now I understand how Bill Maher it is to use a dependency as an analogy to describe Kobe's mental range, scope and capacity and how wrong it probably is to compare "the greatest player of his generation" (as TNT labeled him to promote the Western Conference finals) to Ashy Larry or Bubbles, but it fits. Like disloyalty and Scott McClellan. In technical terms, Kobe is an obligate anti-carnivore.
I have no fucking idea what that paragraph means. None. Is Dennis Miller ghost-writing Scoop Jackson columns now? That doesn’t jibe with the “community” talk but it’s the only explanation.
This thirst -- whether he admits or denies or realizes it -- comes from a needing to do this without Shaquille O'Neal. It's a needing to come as close to Jordan and Jordan's legacy as any other basketball player alive right now … and maybe in the future. It's a needing to prove to himself what he's known and told himself ever since he challenged Brian Shaw to play one-on-one at age 11.
I agree – Kobe Bryant wants to win. Do we need a column for this? I say no.
Redemption, chip on his shoulder, edge, anger. None apply. There's a fiend-like component inside Kobe that exceeds all of the above labels that no athlete in any other sport possesses,
Not Tiger Woods?
and the closer he gets to attaining another championship ring, the more impossible it is going to be for anyone -- or any one team -- to deny him. His want has gone into an almost dependence stage of validation, of recognition, of being the last man standing.
You sir, are just making stuff up to fill up a column. You are offering nothing. No examples, no analysis – just jibberish.
There is no player or collection of players on Boston's squad -- no player(s) on any team that the Lakers have faced throughout the playoffs, no entire 12-man roster in the league, to be honest -- that can match his need to win this championship.
The Lakers are a good, young team. They will be awesome for the next few years. The Celtics have maybe 2 shots at a Championship. Garnett has never won. Kobe has won 3. I think Garnett’s “need” is on par with Bryant’s.
A compulsion to prove to himself -- and us -- that he's been right all along is what's at the center of this. Right that he's not a bad guy, a prima donna, arrogant, aloof or antisocial. Right that he is engaging and personable. Right that he might be the best basketball player your kids will ever see.
Look – only a grade A-moron would confuse basketball brilliance with not being a bad guy or a prima donna. He’ll diffuse very little of that by winning this championship.
Just as he was right about publicly forcing the Lakers to make some roster moves, in every fabric of his being he has to be right about how he sees himself and what he sees himself as. Even though he said in the ESPN Sunday Conversation that he was comfortable being the No. 2 guy while winning rings with Shaq, and in so many words to please stop the Jordan comparisons because there will never be another ("He's a different person … the greatest ever … let me do me …. Thank you!"), those who have watched his evolution -- his ascendance -- know better. He tries to cover it up in interviews and private conversations, but once he gets in "black" Jack Bauer mode it becomes clear as Claritin. He's on something extra. Something that once he calls it quits about five years and three more rings from now, he's going to need some serious form of detox to get out of his system.
He’s competitive. We know this.
Hopefully he has the sense that Jordan did not and just quietly ascends into retirement instead of botching the personnel thing, trying a comeback, and then doing whatever Jordan is doing now (I know his title, but I don’t know what he actually does, other than piss off people in Charlotte).
To everyone else, this is about basketball. To him … this is about survival.
Whose?
His.
Deep.
No it’s not, it’s about basketball. Basketball is about throwing a ball into a hole. If I was actually going through any real drama in my life, like if I had cancer or something, I'd probably be offended by this column.
It's the life of a fiend. Trapped inside the shell of a basketball player who almost had the game taken from him. The fact that he could have been responsible for not being able to show the world this stage of his life probably still eats at his mind. It might be what ultimately drives him.
Did Kobe Bryant botch a suicide attempt at some point?
Maybe it's something deeper, something that revealed itself at birth. Who knows? And the beauty, he'll never -- not even in Spike Lee's documentary about him -- be the one to tell.
Do you think Scoop’s editor reads this and actually knows what the hell he is talking about?
What’s “it”. The fiendish thirst?
The Celtics are thirsty for that ring, too, but they aren't dying of thirst.
Well that clear’s that up.
Which essentially is the difference between Kobe and them -- maybe Kobe and maybe all other human beings. And until KG, Truth and Jesus (anyone: Tiger, Roger, Peyton, LeBron, Kimbo, etc.) can equate death with what it will mean to not win a championship on these terms, until they can make themselves believe -- as Kobe has -- that their survival depends on getting this ring, then their collective and collaborative effort may not be enough.
We’re lumping Kimbo Slice in with Tiger Woods at this point? This column is redefining the sports column as we know it. It literally is about nothing. It’s just a bunch of poetic-like sentences about absolutely nothing of substance. It’s terrible.
Winning is the difference between a mission and an addiction. The Celtics are on a season-long mission against a dude that for the last five years has forced an addiction on himself to win. Winning substantiates this dude.
Dude, is Paulie Shore writing this thing? Back to back sentences referring to Kobe as "dude"?
It eliminates every doubt that may have somehow crept into his überconfident mind about his ability to carry and lead a team at the highest level of this sport. He has tasted something his competition (outside of Sam Cassell and James Posey) has never tasted, is hooked on something they've yet to sample. Addiction does not come by osmosis, whether it's meth, crack, coke, chocolate, caffeine, nicotine, sex, gambling, drinking or body art. To feel what it feels like to want to experience that same feeling again, you would have had to have it in your system before. The power of that feeling always makes those who reach that level of necessity more powerful than those who wish they knew what it felt like.
For a guy so hell bent on winning, he sure hasn’t been very good at it the last few years. Funny how the addiction is driving him this year, when he’s playing with better teammates. Last year? Not so addicted.
Kobe has that feeling. The others don't. And he is still thirsty.
That sentence strikes me to the core of my being and leaves me with the undying desire to want to experience the feeling that Kobe Bryant is living and breathing……drinking, if you will.
As those who are close to the game and those who still hate him despite what he's done since the playoffs started will testify, you can't beat a fiend at his own game when his game is basketball and basketball is all he has.
Is that sort of like “Never go in against a Sicilian when death is on the line!”?
Which leaves only one thing left that Kobe Bryant can do: Obey his thirst.
(pukes).
Then there’s Scoop Jackson.
There's a term used in the community called "thirsty."
“The community”. How about “the world”. There’s a term in the world of English speaking people. Why be so exclusionary, buddy?
It means what you think it means, but it's now being used in different contexts. Only to make a point of the extremes to which some people will go to get what they want. More severely, what they need.
Nooo…that’s pretty much what I figured you meant. You're not writing about nutrition on ESPN.com.
Kobe Bryant, for lack of more sophisticated terminology, is thirsty.
Gotcha. So what else are we going to talk about? Matchups? Some Lakers-Celtics history?
Oh, much much much more on Kobe Bryant’s thirst?
His thirst for another NBA title is that of an amplitude we may not have ever seen before. Not in sports, business, crime, corruption or politics.
Kobe Bryant, a 3-time NBA champion, is not more thirsty than John Elway was to end his career as the guy who kept losing the big game. He’s not more thirsty than Jordan, Isiah, or Shaq were to break through and win a championship. He’s not more thirsty than Andy Fastow was to siphon money out of Enron or than Bill Gates was when he started Microsoft.
Keeping it community: He's thirsty like a fiend.
Scoop, I’m just going to come out and ask you this. Do you not want me reading this? I’m white. Is “community” supposed to be “the black community”? Are you just talking to people in that community? Can you “keep it” in a more inclusionary manner please? Is this why I never understand you? Because you don’t want me to?
Now I understand how Bill Maher it is to use a dependency as an analogy to describe Kobe's mental range, scope and capacity and how wrong it probably is to compare "the greatest player of his generation" (as TNT labeled him to promote the Western Conference finals) to Ashy Larry or Bubbles, but it fits. Like disloyalty and Scott McClellan. In technical terms, Kobe is an obligate anti-carnivore.
I have no fucking idea what that paragraph means. None. Is Dennis Miller ghost-writing Scoop Jackson columns now? That doesn’t jibe with the “community” talk but it’s the only explanation.
This thirst -- whether he admits or denies or realizes it -- comes from a needing to do this without Shaquille O'Neal. It's a needing to come as close to Jordan and Jordan's legacy as any other basketball player alive right now … and maybe in the future. It's a needing to prove to himself what he's known and told himself ever since he challenged Brian Shaw to play one-on-one at age 11.
I agree – Kobe Bryant wants to win. Do we need a column for this? I say no.
Redemption, chip on his shoulder, edge, anger. None apply. There's a fiend-like component inside Kobe that exceeds all of the above labels that no athlete in any other sport possesses,
Not Tiger Woods?
and the closer he gets to attaining another championship ring, the more impossible it is going to be for anyone -- or any one team -- to deny him. His want has gone into an almost dependence stage of validation, of recognition, of being the last man standing.
You sir, are just making stuff up to fill up a column. You are offering nothing. No examples, no analysis – just jibberish.
There is no player or collection of players on Boston's squad -- no player(s) on any team that the Lakers have faced throughout the playoffs, no entire 12-man roster in the league, to be honest -- that can match his need to win this championship.
The Lakers are a good, young team. They will be awesome for the next few years. The Celtics have maybe 2 shots at a Championship. Garnett has never won. Kobe has won 3. I think Garnett’s “need” is on par with Bryant’s.
A compulsion to prove to himself -- and us -- that he's been right all along is what's at the center of this. Right that he's not a bad guy, a prima donna, arrogant, aloof or antisocial. Right that he is engaging and personable. Right that he might be the best basketball player your kids will ever see.
Look – only a grade A-moron would confuse basketball brilliance with not being a bad guy or a prima donna. He’ll diffuse very little of that by winning this championship.
Just as he was right about publicly forcing the Lakers to make some roster moves, in every fabric of his being he has to be right about how he sees himself and what he sees himself as. Even though he said in the ESPN Sunday Conversation that he was comfortable being the No. 2 guy while winning rings with Shaq, and in so many words to please stop the Jordan comparisons because there will never be another ("He's a different person … the greatest ever … let me do me …. Thank you!"), those who have watched his evolution -- his ascendance -- know better. He tries to cover it up in interviews and private conversations, but once he gets in "black" Jack Bauer mode it becomes clear as Claritin. He's on something extra. Something that once he calls it quits about five years and three more rings from now, he's going to need some serious form of detox to get out of his system.
He’s competitive. We know this.
Hopefully he has the sense that Jordan did not and just quietly ascends into retirement instead of botching the personnel thing, trying a comeback, and then doing whatever Jordan is doing now (I know his title, but I don’t know what he actually does, other than piss off people in Charlotte).
To everyone else, this is about basketball. To him … this is about survival.
Whose?
His.
Deep.
No it’s not, it’s about basketball. Basketball is about throwing a ball into a hole. If I was actually going through any real drama in my life, like if I had cancer or something, I'd probably be offended by this column.
It's the life of a fiend. Trapped inside the shell of a basketball player who almost had the game taken from him. The fact that he could have been responsible for not being able to show the world this stage of his life probably still eats at his mind. It might be what ultimately drives him.
Did Kobe Bryant botch a suicide attempt at some point?
Maybe it's something deeper, something that revealed itself at birth. Who knows? And the beauty, he'll never -- not even in Spike Lee's documentary about him -- be the one to tell.
Do you think Scoop’s editor reads this and actually knows what the hell he is talking about?
What’s “it”. The fiendish thirst?
The Celtics are thirsty for that ring, too, but they aren't dying of thirst.
Well that clear’s that up.
Which essentially is the difference between Kobe and them -- maybe Kobe and maybe all other human beings. And until KG, Truth and Jesus (anyone: Tiger, Roger, Peyton, LeBron, Kimbo, etc.) can equate death with what it will mean to not win a championship on these terms, until they can make themselves believe -- as Kobe has -- that their survival depends on getting this ring, then their collective and collaborative effort may not be enough.
We’re lumping Kimbo Slice in with Tiger Woods at this point? This column is redefining the sports column as we know it. It literally is about nothing. It’s just a bunch of poetic-like sentences about absolutely nothing of substance. It’s terrible.
Winning is the difference between a mission and an addiction. The Celtics are on a season-long mission against a dude that for the last five years has forced an addiction on himself to win. Winning substantiates this dude.
Dude, is Paulie Shore writing this thing? Back to back sentences referring to Kobe as "dude"?
It eliminates every doubt that may have somehow crept into his überconfident mind about his ability to carry and lead a team at the highest level of this sport. He has tasted something his competition (outside of Sam Cassell and James Posey) has never tasted, is hooked on something they've yet to sample. Addiction does not come by osmosis, whether it's meth, crack, coke, chocolate, caffeine, nicotine, sex, gambling, drinking or body art. To feel what it feels like to want to experience that same feeling again, you would have had to have it in your system before. The power of that feeling always makes those who reach that level of necessity more powerful than those who wish they knew what it felt like.
For a guy so hell bent on winning, he sure hasn’t been very good at it the last few years. Funny how the addiction is driving him this year, when he’s playing with better teammates. Last year? Not so addicted.
Kobe has that feeling. The others don't. And he is still thirsty.
That sentence strikes me to the core of my being and leaves me with the undying desire to want to experience the feeling that Kobe Bryant is living and breathing……drinking, if you will.
As those who are close to the game and those who still hate him despite what he's done since the playoffs started will testify, you can't beat a fiend at his own game when his game is basketball and basketball is all he has.
Is that sort of like “Never go in against a Sicilian when death is on the line!”?
Which leaves only one thing left that Kobe Bryant can do: Obey his thirst.
(pukes).
Friday, February 8, 2008
Suns Trade for Big, Title Almost Assured
The title of this post is a summary of Scoop Jackson’s assessment of the big Shaquille O’Neal for Shawn Marion (and Marcus Banks) trade in the NBA. “Big” is apparently a nickname for Shaq, because Scoop innocuously calls him that a few times with no color provided. An example?
Big might come to town rejuvenated.
I hate you.
Let’s skip ahead to some of his thoughts (these are just excerpts, full column is here - it does include more basketball analysis than I'll lead you to believe):
And before the Suns ended up like the Grizzlies after trading Pau Gasol and getting "the twin of nothing" in return for the Matrix, they decided to get someone who, if you checked his history, guarantees your team will either get to the NBA Finals or win a ring.
That’s it, picking up Shaq guarantees you a finals appearance! Done. Start printing the t-shirts. This is based on how Shaq’s teams have performed when he was a dominating big man, which is not what he is now of course, but who cares? Why not just trade Steve Nash for Robert Horry! Steve Nash has never made the finals, and Horry has 7 rings! You can’t lose! Then you can start sizing those rings right now! It’s so easy. Is Horace Grant available? There’s a guaranteed finals appearance.
I hate this line of thinking. Well it’s always been this way, so it’ll just continue. Enron never missed a quarter either. They always made their earnings targets…and then some. Until…..they didn’t. Within about 6 weeks of announcing that they (finally) missed a quarter they became the then biggest bankruptcy of all-time. The Patriots never lost a game this season…until they lost the Super Bowl. Shaq has never played on a team that didn’t make the finals, until _____?
Maybe Phoenix will make the finals (they have a very good team and a recent history of success), but it won’t be because Orlando did in 1995. They certainly had a good chance at making the Finals without even making this trade, so it’s not like Shaq should get all the credit if they do anyway. But he will. Even if Shaq averages 5 and 5 we’ll be hearing about how his presence made winners out of the rest of the team, which had superstars but none who’ve even made a Finals before because they are losers who needed a winner to show them the way.
Orlando? Finals in three years. L.A.? Finals in four years, three rings in eight. Miami? Finals and ring in his second season.
Scoop, I just addressed this, dummy. Read the paragraphs above yours.
See, the Suns are outthinking all y'all.
Fuck you and your fucking crappy slang.
They know that one thing comes almost assured with this trade: They will win a title with Shaquille O'Neal in the lineup.
Almost assured! Done! Just wait until the last paragraph when Scoop unveils his secret for how he’ll win a title….they just have to expect nothing from him!
It's just a matter of whether the one ring they get with him is worth the years they won't win while he's still there. The Suns have never won an NBA championship -- just like Miami before Shaq arrived. And if they're smart, they can take the one they'll win and milk it for 30 years -- just like Portland. The question is if $20 million per for the next two seasons is worth getting the one year of ring service they're going to get from Shaq.
Seriously, just start printing the banners. Shawn Marion who? That guy was keeping them down!
The fact is, by attaining the services of Shaquille O'Neal and not expecting or needing much from a productivity standpoint in return, the Phoenix Suns may have made the most ingenious move in the NBA in the past 10 years. Only time will tell. It's just a matter of how wrong they -- and he -- really want to prove the world to be.
If you’re scoring at home, the most ingenious NBA move in the last 10 years is trading an All-Star player (and their best defensive player) in Shawn Marion for a seriously declining, old Shaq O’Neal who is owed a sick amount of money AND THEN NOT EXPECTING HIM TO BE OR NEEDING HIM TO BE PRODUCTIVE! Brilliant!
What do you mean only time will tell? You guaranteed them a finals spot and then said they’re going to get “one year of ring service” from Shaq! You said they were “almost assured of a title”. Time will tell my ass, this is a lock!
Big might come to town rejuvenated.
I hate you.
Let’s skip ahead to some of his thoughts (these are just excerpts, full column is here - it does include more basketball analysis than I'll lead you to believe):
And before the Suns ended up like the Grizzlies after trading Pau Gasol and getting "the twin of nothing" in return for the Matrix, they decided to get someone who, if you checked his history, guarantees your team will either get to the NBA Finals or win a ring.
That’s it, picking up Shaq guarantees you a finals appearance! Done. Start printing the t-shirts. This is based on how Shaq’s teams have performed when he was a dominating big man, which is not what he is now of course, but who cares? Why not just trade Steve Nash for Robert Horry! Steve Nash has never made the finals, and Horry has 7 rings! You can’t lose! Then you can start sizing those rings right now! It’s so easy. Is Horace Grant available? There’s a guaranteed finals appearance.
I hate this line of thinking. Well it’s always been this way, so it’ll just continue. Enron never missed a quarter either. They always made their earnings targets…and then some. Until…..they didn’t. Within about 6 weeks of announcing that they (finally) missed a quarter they became the then biggest bankruptcy of all-time. The Patriots never lost a game this season…until they lost the Super Bowl. Shaq has never played on a team that didn’t make the finals, until _____?
Maybe Phoenix will make the finals (they have a very good team and a recent history of success), but it won’t be because Orlando did in 1995. They certainly had a good chance at making the Finals without even making this trade, so it’s not like Shaq should get all the credit if they do anyway. But he will. Even if Shaq averages 5 and 5 we’ll be hearing about how his presence made winners out of the rest of the team, which had superstars but none who’ve even made a Finals before because they are losers who needed a winner to show them the way.
Orlando? Finals in three years. L.A.? Finals in four years, three rings in eight. Miami? Finals and ring in his second season.
Scoop, I just addressed this, dummy. Read the paragraphs above yours.
See, the Suns are outthinking all y'all.
Fuck you and your fucking crappy slang.
They know that one thing comes almost assured with this trade: They will win a title with Shaquille O'Neal in the lineup.
Almost assured! Done! Just wait until the last paragraph when Scoop unveils his secret for how he’ll win a title….they just have to expect nothing from him!
It's just a matter of whether the one ring they get with him is worth the years they won't win while he's still there. The Suns have never won an NBA championship -- just like Miami before Shaq arrived. And if they're smart, they can take the one they'll win and milk it for 30 years -- just like Portland. The question is if $20 million per for the next two seasons is worth getting the one year of ring service they're going to get from Shaq.
Seriously, just start printing the banners. Shawn Marion who? That guy was keeping them down!
The fact is, by attaining the services of Shaquille O'Neal and not expecting or needing much from a productivity standpoint in return, the Phoenix Suns may have made the most ingenious move in the NBA in the past 10 years. Only time will tell. It's just a matter of how wrong they -- and he -- really want to prove the world to be.
If you’re scoring at home, the most ingenious NBA move in the last 10 years is trading an All-Star player (and their best defensive player) in Shawn Marion for a seriously declining, old Shaq O’Neal who is owed a sick amount of money AND THEN NOT EXPECTING HIM TO BE OR NEEDING HIM TO BE PRODUCTIVE! Brilliant!
What do you mean only time will tell? You guaranteed them a finals spot and then said they’re going to get “one year of ring service” from Shaq! You said they were “almost assured of a title”. Time will tell my ass, this is a lock!
Thursday, January 31, 2008
Scoop Jackson Writes Jokes: I Read Them Literally
This Sunday, the Patriots and the Giants are playing in the Super Bowl. Yes. Sunday. This Sunday. Scoop Jackson has done us all a favor and written a ton of joke-type phrases to explain what it will mean. I am unable to read these phrases and see why they are jokes and laugh at them. So let’s just read them literally to try to figure out why there may have been a joke there or something.
Going 19-0 will mean ...
... Tom Brady can make one Bill Clintonesque mistake and be unconditionally forgiven by everyone, including Gisele.
Going 19-0 means Tom Brady can fuck around on his girlfriend? Why would he need forgiveness from anyone BUT Gisele?
... Kyle Brady, after 13 seasons in the NFL, can go into bars and clubs and tell women his name is Tom and they won't notice the difference.
What? Why? Wouldn’t they notice the difference MORE….because Tom Brady will be MORE famous?
... Randy Moss can moon anyone he wants, run over anyone he wants in his car, leave any game he wants while time is still on the clock, smoke as much weed as he wants, never shave and argue with as many ex-girlfriends and baby mamas as he wants. And it'll be all good.
No he can’t, as the sports columnists will rip him for it. I guess 19-0 is so big that he can do drugs and it's okay? This is.....funny?
... All head coaches will be required to wear team-issued hoodies on game day.
Like Bill Belichick? Why would they be required to? What is the fucking joke? Is the joke just that he wears a hoodie??!?!?!??!?!
... People will finally realize that Vince Wilfork is one of the best defensive linemen in the NFL.
He made the Pro Bowl. Does that mean anything? No?
... The destroyed evidence of Spygate can never be written about or mentioned ever again in public.
Tell that the Gregg Easterbrook. That guy is still livid. It’s awesome.
... Bill Simmons has to write "Now I Can Die In Peace II."
This would be the Patriots’ fourth super bowl ring in seven years. I don’t think Bill Simmons’ ability to die in peace has anything to do with the outcome.
... That Bobby Brown, a native of Roxbury, Mass., can say anything he pleases and the world has to accept it.
Why? What does Bobby Brown have to do with anything? Because he’s from Massachusetts? No Mitt Romney joke? Ted Kennedy? Matt Damon even? Bobby Brown? Every little step I take….Everybody’s Humpin’ around?? That guy?
... Rodney Harrison's "That is the most ridiculous thing (I've) ever heard," comment made after the Week 6 win over the Cowboys, after being asked about going 19-0, is now the most ridiculous thing ever said.
No it’s not. The most ridiculous thing ever said was by Mr. Scoopward Jackson….about Lebron James. It inspired me to start this blog. It was:
“It means he might be He.”
So simple, yet so stupid.
... Junior Seau can grow some facial hair, let the gray show in his mustache and beard, and not even have to think about playin' himself by doing a commercial with Emmitt Smith, Walt Frazier and Keith Hernandez.
He can? Why? All those guys won championships. What’s going on?
... Owner Bob Kraft can walk into the next NFL owners' meeting and act like Marlo Stansfield does in the co-op meetings on "The Wire."
Hmm you get a pass here Jackson, because I’ve never seen the Wire.
... Kevin Faulk will no longer be called Marshall Faulk by mistake.
People sometimes call Kevin Faulk “Marshall”. Really?
Oh they don’t? They just have the same last names. So.....that's the joke?
... Raymond Ventrone, the undrafted Jets reject (the Jets released him in September) who sees action on special teams for the Patriots, will get supermodels' cell numbers and be seen doing TV spots in Brockton, Mass., for Absolute Car and Truck Center.
He will? Why? Because the Patriots won the Super Bowl? Which Supermodel? WHAT? Will they all have Supermodel girlfriends? Are there enough Supermodels in the world? What is Absolute Car and Truck Center and what does it have to do with….anything? Is that a joke?
... Players like left tackle Matt Light, left guard Logan Mankins and right guard Stephen Neal will become household names like Bruschi, Seau and Vrabel.
Household names where? North Andover, Massachusetts? Holla!
... That "RIP" cannot be placed on Mercury Morris' tombstone.
Hey! That was decent! Keep it up, man!
... Willie McGinest, Ty Law, Lawyer Milloy and Deion Branch were irrelevant.
Well one in a row isn’t bad.
Um…..to 2007? Yes. To past Super Bowls? What??
... Wes Welker doesn't have to be Tom Brady's wing man or alibi guy at this year's secret, off-the-island Pro Bowl parties.
So if they lose he has to be his alibi guy? Whatever that is? WHAT?
... Mike Vrabel can reapply back to Ohio State so the Buckeyes can finally win a BCS title.
He can? Isn’t that against the rules?
Oh it is? Okay. So this is just a joke? WHAT?
... Twenty years from now kicker Stephen Gostkowski can be relaxing at a game and asked to do an impromptu interview, and during the interview he can demand a kiss from the sideline reporter, get the kiss, and everyone will think it was cute and great television. And even though both will be married at the time, no one -- not even the spouses -- will be upset.
But no one will know who he is in 20 years. Wouldn’t his wife be mad? No? Because he was on the 2007 Patriots? Ha ha?????
... Asante Samuel and Laurence Maroney no longer have to hear Das EFX jokes.
Because they are hearing a lot of them now? Oh, they’re not? Can you post a "laughter and applause" sign in this column, I'm lost.
... The Ford Taurus that Rosevelt Colvin explained was sent to pick him up from the airport when the Pats signed him as a free agent will become standard issue for all NFL teams after trades and signings, replacing limos.
Because it helped the team play football better? Did I get that one right?
... Every NFL owner will use the fact that New England has a roster of superstars playing so far below their market value it's bordering on disrespectful (Randy Moss took a $6 million pay cut, Junior Seau is making only $1 million, Bruschi $1.7 million, etc.) as the new way to do business. Despite knowing there is no way this will ever happen again, it will not stop them from trying to use it to their financial advantage.
But most teams didn’t want Randy Moss or Junior Seau. So doesn't that make no sense?
... Charlie Weis is somewhere, saying, "I shoulda stayed."
Do you really think he cares? He’s making crazy money and has a 10 year contract.
... Belligerent, arrogant, cantankerous, indignant, asterisk-needing, egotistical, smug, vainglorious, narcissistic, corrupt, disingenuous, cunning, deceitful, and pompous all become adjectives of endearment.
Vainglorious? Did you punch this into thesaurus.com or something?
... That silver might be added as America's fourth official color.
Like, on the flag? But wouldn’t it look stupid?
Oh, you're saying the Patriots are THAT good?! I get it, I think.
... That "check your egos at the door" no longer has meaning.
But isn’t that like, their motto or something? Wouldn’t it have MORE meaning?
... That Hef has to let Brady back into the mansion.
He’s not allowed in the mansion?
Oh, you made that up, to make up the antithesis and use it as a joke? Do I laugh now or wait for the next joke? What is going on?
... That dynasty finally has a one-season definition forever.
One-season definition? Forever? Finally?
So you’ve been waiting for the term dynasty to have a one-season definition, which is stupidly impossible?
I’ll let you know when Scoop answers my questions.
Going 19-0 will mean ...
... Tom Brady can make one Bill Clintonesque mistake and be unconditionally forgiven by everyone, including Gisele.
Going 19-0 means Tom Brady can fuck around on his girlfriend? Why would he need forgiveness from anyone BUT Gisele?
... Kyle Brady, after 13 seasons in the NFL, can go into bars and clubs and tell women his name is Tom and they won't notice the difference.
What? Why? Wouldn’t they notice the difference MORE….because Tom Brady will be MORE famous?
... Randy Moss can moon anyone he wants, run over anyone he wants in his car, leave any game he wants while time is still on the clock, smoke as much weed as he wants, never shave and argue with as many ex-girlfriends and baby mamas as he wants. And it'll be all good.
No he can’t, as the sports columnists will rip him for it. I guess 19-0 is so big that he can do drugs and it's okay? This is.....funny?
... All head coaches will be required to wear team-issued hoodies on game day.
Like Bill Belichick? Why would they be required to? What is the fucking joke? Is the joke just that he wears a hoodie??!?!?!??!?!
... People will finally realize that Vince Wilfork is one of the best defensive linemen in the NFL.
He made the Pro Bowl. Does that mean anything? No?
... The destroyed evidence of Spygate can never be written about or mentioned ever again in public.
Tell that the Gregg Easterbrook. That guy is still livid. It’s awesome.
... Bill Simmons has to write "Now I Can Die In Peace II."
This would be the Patriots’ fourth super bowl ring in seven years. I don’t think Bill Simmons’ ability to die in peace has anything to do with the outcome.
... That Bobby Brown, a native of Roxbury, Mass., can say anything he pleases and the world has to accept it.
Why? What does Bobby Brown have to do with anything? Because he’s from Massachusetts? No Mitt Romney joke? Ted Kennedy? Matt Damon even? Bobby Brown? Every little step I take….Everybody’s Humpin’ around?? That guy?
... Rodney Harrison's "That is the most ridiculous thing (I've) ever heard," comment made after the Week 6 win over the Cowboys, after being asked about going 19-0, is now the most ridiculous thing ever said.
No it’s not. The most ridiculous thing ever said was by Mr. Scoopward Jackson….about Lebron James. It inspired me to start this blog. It was:
“It means he might be He.”
So simple, yet so stupid.
... Junior Seau can grow some facial hair, let the gray show in his mustache and beard, and not even have to think about playin' himself by doing a commercial with Emmitt Smith, Walt Frazier and Keith Hernandez.
He can? Why? All those guys won championships. What’s going on?
... Owner Bob Kraft can walk into the next NFL owners' meeting and act like Marlo Stansfield does in the co-op meetings on "The Wire."
Hmm you get a pass here Jackson, because I’ve never seen the Wire.
... Kevin Faulk will no longer be called Marshall Faulk by mistake.
People sometimes call Kevin Faulk “Marshall”. Really?
Oh they don’t? They just have the same last names. So.....that's the joke?
... Raymond Ventrone, the undrafted Jets reject (the Jets released him in September) who sees action on special teams for the Patriots, will get supermodels' cell numbers and be seen doing TV spots in Brockton, Mass., for Absolute Car and Truck Center.
He will? Why? Because the Patriots won the Super Bowl? Which Supermodel? WHAT? Will they all have Supermodel girlfriends? Are there enough Supermodels in the world? What is Absolute Car and Truck Center and what does it have to do with….anything? Is that a joke?
... Players like left tackle Matt Light, left guard Logan Mankins and right guard Stephen Neal will become household names like Bruschi, Seau and Vrabel.
Household names where? North Andover, Massachusetts? Holla!
... That "RIP" cannot be placed on Mercury Morris' tombstone.
Hey! That was decent! Keep it up, man!
... Willie McGinest, Ty Law, Lawyer Milloy and Deion Branch were irrelevant.
Well one in a row isn’t bad.
Um…..to 2007? Yes. To past Super Bowls? What??
... Wes Welker doesn't have to be Tom Brady's wing man or alibi guy at this year's secret, off-the-island Pro Bowl parties.
So if they lose he has to be his alibi guy? Whatever that is? WHAT?
... Mike Vrabel can reapply back to Ohio State so the Buckeyes can finally win a BCS title.
He can? Isn’t that against the rules?
Oh it is? Okay. So this is just a joke? WHAT?
... Twenty years from now kicker Stephen Gostkowski can be relaxing at a game and asked to do an impromptu interview, and during the interview he can demand a kiss from the sideline reporter, get the kiss, and everyone will think it was cute and great television. And even though both will be married at the time, no one -- not even the spouses -- will be upset.
But no one will know who he is in 20 years. Wouldn’t his wife be mad? No? Because he was on the 2007 Patriots? Ha ha?????
... Asante Samuel and Laurence Maroney no longer have to hear Das EFX jokes.
Because they are hearing a lot of them now? Oh, they’re not? Can you post a "laughter and applause" sign in this column, I'm lost.
... The Ford Taurus that Rosevelt Colvin explained was sent to pick him up from the airport when the Pats signed him as a free agent will become standard issue for all NFL teams after trades and signings, replacing limos.
Because it helped the team play football better? Did I get that one right?
... Every NFL owner will use the fact that New England has a roster of superstars playing so far below their market value it's bordering on disrespectful (Randy Moss took a $6 million pay cut, Junior Seau is making only $1 million, Bruschi $1.7 million, etc.) as the new way to do business. Despite knowing there is no way this will ever happen again, it will not stop them from trying to use it to their financial advantage.
But most teams didn’t want Randy Moss or Junior Seau. So doesn't that make no sense?
... Charlie Weis is somewhere, saying, "I shoulda stayed."
Do you really think he cares? He’s making crazy money and has a 10 year contract.
... Belligerent, arrogant, cantankerous, indignant, asterisk-needing, egotistical, smug, vainglorious, narcissistic, corrupt, disingenuous, cunning, deceitful, and pompous all become adjectives of endearment.
Vainglorious? Did you punch this into thesaurus.com or something?
... That silver might be added as America's fourth official color.
Like, on the flag? But wouldn’t it look stupid?
Oh, you're saying the Patriots are THAT good?! I get it, I think.
... That "check your egos at the door" no longer has meaning.
But isn’t that like, their motto or something? Wouldn’t it have MORE meaning?
... That Hef has to let Brady back into the mansion.
He’s not allowed in the mansion?
Oh, you made that up, to make up the antithesis and use it as a joke? Do I laugh now or wait for the next joke? What is going on?
... That dynasty finally has a one-season definition forever.
One-season definition? Forever? Finally?
So you’ve been waiting for the term dynasty to have a one-season definition, which is stupidly impossible?
I’ll let you know when Scoop answers my questions.
Tuesday, September 4, 2007
Hiatus
The entire staff of GGAS (23 person office in White Bear Lake Minnesota - Go Bears!) is going to be on hiatus from now through about September 16th. We at GGAS measure our success just like a public company, quarterly, and in less than three months we’ve exceeded our stockholders’ expectations by so much that we are taking a well deserved vacation. That means we’ll come back ready to start a new quarter, and hopefully kick so much ass in the first month that we can take the second and third months off.
If I read something particularly egregious I will have to contain my excitement and post when I get back. If I can steal some internet time it will probably be to make updates to my fantasy team, since all bloggers are just fantasy dorks who live in their parents basements! Ha! LOL!
Because I know that the dozens of regularly readers (technically true!) will be going through withdrawals without my crazy commentary on Stuart Scott’s typos, here's some stuff you can read (in addition to regularly checking out the links on the right, of course). This isn't meant to be endorsed as all quality sportswriting or whatever, just some items that I remembered reading and being decent or interesting.
Baseball’s Most Impressive Records – The Baseball Crank.
Eleven Weeks to Irrelevance – Scoop Jackson. No Shit! This Scoop Jackson! …talking about Larry Doby.
Tom Verducci of SI wrote this decent column on Hank Aaron before Barry broke the record. Barry Bonds. The home run record! Remember that?
Here is an interesting comparison of Johan Santana and Pedro Martinez – Hardball Times.
Here is a crazy string of stories about the guy who sued Michael Vick for like 63 Billion dollars for using his dogs, then selling them to buy nukes from the Iranians. Something like that – at Dreadnaught.
Kobe Bryant’s blog. THE NBA ALL-STAR! Yeah, now that I have your attention….
If you’re new to GGAS, this is the most consistently read post from the archives of this site. This and other Jemele Hill related posts,actually – here.
If I read something particularly egregious I will have to contain my excitement and post when I get back. If I can steal some internet time it will probably be to make updates to my fantasy team, since all bloggers are just fantasy dorks who live in their parents basements! Ha! LOL!
Because I know that the dozens of regularly readers (technically true!) will be going through withdrawals without my crazy commentary on Stuart Scott’s typos, here's some stuff you can read (in addition to regularly checking out the links on the right, of course). This isn't meant to be endorsed as all quality sportswriting or whatever, just some items that I remembered reading and being decent or interesting.
Baseball’s Most Impressive Records – The Baseball Crank.
Eleven Weeks to Irrelevance – Scoop Jackson. No Shit! This Scoop Jackson! …talking about Larry Doby.
Tom Verducci of SI wrote this decent column on Hank Aaron before Barry broke the record. Barry Bonds. The home run record! Remember that?
Here is an interesting comparison of Johan Santana and Pedro Martinez – Hardball Times.
Here is a crazy string of stories about the guy who sued Michael Vick for like 63 Billion dollars for using his dogs, then selling them to buy nukes from the Iranians. Something like that – at Dreadnaught.
Kobe Bryant’s blog. THE NBA ALL-STAR! Yeah, now that I have your attention….
If you’re new to GGAS, this is the most consistently read post from the archives of this site. This and other Jemele Hill related posts,actually – here.
Wednesday, August 29, 2007
Classic Edition – Scoop Jackson “The 1.3 Percent Doctrine”
Since I’m on a Scoop Jackson is one overly dramatic dude kick, I figured I’d dig into my scrap heap of posts that I drafted but never posted for whatever reason and find another Scoop gem. Just in case you think I’m lazy or something because I don’t post much, there’s over 75,000 posts in that file.
Since this was from a Scoop Jackson column from 2006, we’ll call it the “classic edition”. See we here at GGAS aren’t very creative and we’re fairly lazy, so from time to time the 7 person research team will just dig up an old column that we vented about in our executive board room over a game of RBI baseball but didn’t blog about because we didn’t know about this whole “internet” thing (who did, in 2006?) Scoop has a unique style, but that’s okay. But sometimes the drama is a bit thick.
In this piece from 2006, (insider only) Scoop writes a story about racism in journalism. Not racist journalists writing about racist stuff, but instead the lack of black journalists and editors. I have no problem with the general premise of his story, as Scoop is black and works in the business and knows a lot more about the subjects than I do. I think, overall, his point is a good one, and it’s an interesting perspective. My points are around the drama described as a result of what he says to groups of high school/college students.
There's a story I tell whenever I go to a high school or college to speak.
I ask everyone to tell me how many black professional basketball players they know. Depending on the size of the room, 90 percent of the time, the students say they can name most of the players in the NBA.
This makes sense, as when I was in high school I watched so much NBA that I could name, from memory, about a half dozen dunks thrown down by total scrubs, like a couple of nasty reverses that token white guy David Wood threw down in garbage time, or that near half court alley-oop half windmill that the Pacers’ Kenny Williams caught and threw down in New Jersey. I could see a few students being like that (dorks), in the room (depending on the size). Most of them would struggle to name “most of the players”, but whatever, I’m down, Scoop.
There are roughly 350 players in the League, about 85 percent of them black. We usually round to about 300 -- therefore, the students claim to know for a fact that there are 300 professional basketball players.
Okay, that’s weird math, but I think I’m with you. It seems odd that they do this quick math and then say the product of it is “fact”. I mean, it looks like you’re saying that 50 of the players in the league aren’t professional players or something. I think you meant to say “black” professional players, but this is a long piece and you don’t have an editor. According to this, the number was 75% which amounts to 330 players. So pretty close. Last year the number was 73%. Insignificant difference. Go on Scoop.
Then I ask them to name 300 black sportswriters.
The room always gets eerily quiet. Beyond mortuary.
Michael Wilbon's name comes up, Stephen A.'s, "that black man with the beard who's on 'SportsReporters' a lot" gets mentioned (for the record, William C. Rhoden), and, if they're seriously official with their sports journalist knowledge, Phil Taylor and Ralph Wiley will get nods.
Past that, more silence.
I’m not arguing Scoop’s general point, which means I’m going to pick on little things and semantics and just be a jerk-ass. Here’s my quick problem with this line of questioning, which led to such dramatic results.
Scoop asked, “Can you name 300 black sportswriters?” I’ll remove a word. “Can you name 300 sportswriters?” I bet you 2 American Dollars that they couldn’t. Can you name 100 sportswriters? Can you, the reader of this awesome blog, name 50 sportswriters? Maybe, right, but not quickly? Do you see where this is going? I’m not saying his general point is wrong. But the drama described around that line of questioning is pretty silly, when you think of the question.
Then I make a point.
"Do you know why you can't name 300 black sportswriters?" I say to them. "Because 300 of us don't exist."
The room becomes less quiet. Mumbling. Private conversations break out.
I seriously doubt a room full of teenagers would react to that question with “stunned silence”. I bet it’s more like, “how the hell would I know 300 black sportswriters - even if they did exist? I can’t name 300 sportswriters + book authors + columnists + cartoonists – white or black, living or dead….you crazy man. Now tell us some stories about NBA players and make it long so I don’t have to go back to class.”
Then I make the point: "Which means you all have a better chance to make it to the NBA than you do doing what I do for a living."
I wish I wrote well enough to describe the looks on their faces. Every time.
My guess is: Way way beyond mortuary?
Actually I think that look could be described as, "why are you lying to us?" I’ve seen a bunch of different statistics on this, but the odds of a high school basketball player (on the varsity team) making the NBA are a few thousand to 1 and I’ve even seen 5 digits quoted there (10,000 or greater). Whatever it is, I doubt that the odds of a good black high school journalism student (good enough to make a ‘journalism team’, if one existed) who wants to write about sports becoming a sportswriter are higher than that. A better way of saying this would have been, “there are more black NBA players than black sportswriters”. Unless he’s talking to a room of athletic males who play basketball very well and project to be easily over 6 feet, what he’s saying just can't be correct.
Again, semantics, but the drama he describes these semantic differences creating is what gets me. His overall point is valid, and the column is much longer than the intro that I've put up there (and I haven't read it in a year, but I think the rest of it was fine). Not trying to pick on his message, just the drama - and the fact that his conclusion doesn't seem correct.
Since this was from a Scoop Jackson column from 2006, we’ll call it the “classic edition”. See we here at GGAS aren’t very creative and we’re fairly lazy, so from time to time the 7 person research team will just dig up an old column that we vented about in our executive board room over a game of RBI baseball but didn’t blog about because we didn’t know about this whole “internet” thing (who did, in 2006?) Scoop has a unique style, but that’s okay. But sometimes the drama is a bit thick.
In this piece from 2006, (insider only) Scoop writes a story about racism in journalism. Not racist journalists writing about racist stuff, but instead the lack of black journalists and editors. I have no problem with the general premise of his story, as Scoop is black and works in the business and knows a lot more about the subjects than I do. I think, overall, his point is a good one, and it’s an interesting perspective. My points are around the drama described as a result of what he says to groups of high school/college students.
There's a story I tell whenever I go to a high school or college to speak.
I ask everyone to tell me how many black professional basketball players they know. Depending on the size of the room, 90 percent of the time, the students say they can name most of the players in the NBA.
This makes sense, as when I was in high school I watched so much NBA that I could name, from memory, about a half dozen dunks thrown down by total scrubs, like a couple of nasty reverses that token white guy David Wood threw down in garbage time, or that near half court alley-oop half windmill that the Pacers’ Kenny Williams caught and threw down in New Jersey. I could see a few students being like that (dorks), in the room (depending on the size). Most of them would struggle to name “most of the players”, but whatever, I’m down, Scoop.
There are roughly 350 players in the League, about 85 percent of them black. We usually round to about 300 -- therefore, the students claim to know for a fact that there are 300 professional basketball players.
Okay, that’s weird math, but I think I’m with you. It seems odd that they do this quick math and then say the product of it is “fact”. I mean, it looks like you’re saying that 50 of the players in the league aren’t professional players or something. I think you meant to say “black” professional players, but this is a long piece and you don’t have an editor. According to this, the number was 75% which amounts to 330 players. So pretty close. Last year the number was 73%. Insignificant difference. Go on Scoop.
Then I ask them to name 300 black sportswriters.
The room always gets eerily quiet. Beyond mortuary.
Michael Wilbon's name comes up, Stephen A.'s, "that black man with the beard who's on 'SportsReporters' a lot" gets mentioned (for the record, William C. Rhoden), and, if they're seriously official with their sports journalist knowledge, Phil Taylor and Ralph Wiley will get nods.
Past that, more silence.
I’m not arguing Scoop’s general point, which means I’m going to pick on little things and semantics and just be a jerk-ass. Here’s my quick problem with this line of questioning, which led to such dramatic results.
Scoop asked, “Can you name 300 black sportswriters?” I’ll remove a word. “Can you name 300 sportswriters?” I bet you 2 American Dollars that they couldn’t. Can you name 100 sportswriters? Can you, the reader of this awesome blog, name 50 sportswriters? Maybe, right, but not quickly? Do you see where this is going? I’m not saying his general point is wrong. But the drama described around that line of questioning is pretty silly, when you think of the question.
Then I make a point.
"Do you know why you can't name 300 black sportswriters?" I say to them. "Because 300 of us don't exist."
The room becomes less quiet. Mumbling. Private conversations break out.
I seriously doubt a room full of teenagers would react to that question with “stunned silence”. I bet it’s more like, “how the hell would I know 300 black sportswriters - even if they did exist? I can’t name 300 sportswriters + book authors + columnists + cartoonists – white or black, living or dead….you crazy man. Now tell us some stories about NBA players and make it long so I don’t have to go back to class.”
Then I make the point: "Which means you all have a better chance to make it to the NBA than you do doing what I do for a living."
I wish I wrote well enough to describe the looks on their faces. Every time.
My guess is: Way way beyond mortuary?
Actually I think that look could be described as, "why are you lying to us?" I’ve seen a bunch of different statistics on this, but the odds of a high school basketball player (on the varsity team) making the NBA are a few thousand to 1 and I’ve even seen 5 digits quoted there (10,000 or greater). Whatever it is, I doubt that the odds of a good black high school journalism student (good enough to make a ‘journalism team’, if one existed) who wants to write about sports becoming a sportswriter are higher than that. A better way of saying this would have been, “there are more black NBA players than black sportswriters”. Unless he’s talking to a room of athletic males who play basketball very well and project to be easily over 6 feet, what he’s saying just can't be correct.
Again, semantics, but the drama he describes these semantic differences creating is what gets me. His overall point is valid, and the column is much longer than the intro that I've put up there (and I haven't read it in a year, but I think the rest of it was fine). Not trying to pick on his message, just the drama - and the fact that his conclusion doesn't seem correct.
Monday, August 27, 2007
The Top 24 High School Players play at Rucker Park
Cool, right? No. It’s monumental. A picture of the players is “the single most significant basketball portrait taken in the 21st century." Scoop Jackson has a lot of hyperbole passed off as profound…ness in his latest column for Page 2. Look, I just don’t get Scoop. Everything he writes has this air of “how can I make this sound a hundred times more meaningful than it is” around it. I’ll just give you some passages and let you decide. You can read the whole thing here. I read this on Friday and originally wasn't going to comment, but a reader e-mail made me re-read the column and it's not the story that I feel the need to post about. It's the drama that Scoop writes with.
You’re looking at the single most significant basketball portrait taken in the 21st century. No one believed anyone could gather this many talents and temperaments so very early on a summer evening but it all happened like magic, and the world will one day be smitten with this picture.
See what I’m saying. “Most significant” “No one believed”…. I mean..why is it that hard to believe? Cool? Yes, absolutely…but “the world” will not be smitten with the picture, ever. Scoop likens it to a picture taken in 1958 featuring a collection of the greatest and most well known jazz musicians of the day.
The court? The Apollo Theater of basketball: Rucker Park. Harlem, no doubt.
No doubt, yo.
Sadly, the game of basketball has lost its purity. Corrupted by greed and exploitation, pride replaced by purpose, basketball -- particularly at the high-stakes high school level -- is no longer a game played simply for the sake of playing a game.
Um, okay. That’s why I play it?! Oh okay, at the high school level. It's so corrupted. In every high school, in every size school. Sure.
And if the Elite 24 hadn't been created, none of these players would get to experience this feeling of freedom on a basketball court ever again.
Not ever? Or ever ever ever? Not after they retired? Not just messing around on a sunny afternoon with their friends? Not playing with their kids and teaching them the game?
Look at Noel Johnson, and his innocent face. Look for the game in his eyes. Because Noel is the son of one of NYC's playground sons.
I saw rugby in his eyes? Does that count?
He has a connection to this NYC playground that he inherited the second he was born. This game birthed him.
This game birthed him? Man, that is corny.
As the legendary David Ladson of the Bronx, aka "The Human Playground," once said, "There's a difference between having a hoop on your back and doing nothing and having a hoop on your back and doing something." Peep the metaphor. Everyone in this photo has a hoop on their back. They know it, we know it.
That doesn't make any sense. Also, peep the metaphor?
Stop trying to seem so fucking profound.
You’re looking at the single most significant basketball portrait taken in the 21st century. No one believed anyone could gather this many talents and temperaments so very early on a summer evening but it all happened like magic, and the world will one day be smitten with this picture.
See what I’m saying. “Most significant” “No one believed”…. I mean..why is it that hard to believe? Cool? Yes, absolutely…but “the world” will not be smitten with the picture, ever. Scoop likens it to a picture taken in 1958 featuring a collection of the greatest and most well known jazz musicians of the day.
The court? The Apollo Theater of basketball: Rucker Park. Harlem, no doubt.
No doubt, yo.
Sadly, the game of basketball has lost its purity. Corrupted by greed and exploitation, pride replaced by purpose, basketball -- particularly at the high-stakes high school level -- is no longer a game played simply for the sake of playing a game.
Um, okay. That’s why I play it?! Oh okay, at the high school level. It's so corrupted. In every high school, in every size school. Sure.
And if the Elite 24 hadn't been created, none of these players would get to experience this feeling of freedom on a basketball court ever again.
Not ever? Or ever ever ever? Not after they retired? Not just messing around on a sunny afternoon with their friends? Not playing with their kids and teaching them the game?
Look at Noel Johnson, and his innocent face. Look for the game in his eyes. Because Noel is the son of one of NYC's playground sons.
I saw rugby in his eyes? Does that count?
He has a connection to this NYC playground that he inherited the second he was born. This game birthed him.
This game birthed him? Man, that is corny.
As the legendary David Ladson of the Bronx, aka "The Human Playground," once said, "There's a difference between having a hoop on your back and doing nothing and having a hoop on your back and doing something." Peep the metaphor. Everyone in this photo has a hoop on their back. They know it, we know it.
That doesn't make any sense. Also, peep the metaphor?
Stop trying to seem so fucking profound.
Thursday, August 9, 2007
“Crumbs” Not a Good GM – Scoop Jackson
Scoop Jackson recently wrote a brief column on how the Kevin Garnett to Boston trade has lifted Danny Ainge out of the bad GM pile.
Okay. So who’s in that pile you ask?
So Danny Ainge has removed himself from the Jerry Krause list. The idiot has left the Garden. Congrats. The imbecilic role he had mastered over the last four years as Executive Director of Basketball Operations all makes sense now and can all be excused (and can all be worth it) once the KG era begins.
Jerry Krause, former GM of the Chicago Bulls. Now it’s well documented that Krause did not draft Michael Jordan, but he put together the core of the championship teams, including digging Phil Jackson out of the CBA. Krause did an exceptional job with the Bulls, for a very long time. They won 6 championships under his watch. The biggest reason was Michael Jordan, of course, but he needed some good players to help out with.
Krause made bad picks, of course. All GMs do. He also did this:
- 1987 draft: Traded Olden Polynice for Scottie Pippen. Drafted Horace Grant in the same draft.
- Traded Charles Oakley for Bill Cartwright, a move that was needed for them to make a championship run. He saw Grant’s ability before Jordan, who killed him for this trade but later admitted it was needed to take the Bulls to the next level.
- Drafted Toni Kukoc in the second round of the 1990 draft. This was well before the explosion of foreign players into the league. Kukoc was a solid contributor and won a 6th man award with the Bulls.
- Traded Will Purdue to San Antonio for Dennis Rodman before the ’95-96 season.
- Gave Phil Jackson his shot.
Krause’s problem is that his ego got big and he wanted more of the credit for the Bulls success. He’s famous for the “organizations with championships” quote, which was implied to downplay the impact that Jordan, Pippen, and Phil Jackson had on the team. He made some poor trades towards the tail end of his tenure (Brand, Artest/Miller, etc.), although he did draft pretty well. For all his faults, he did a real good job for 10 years of making sure that team had solid players around Jordan, while typically having such a low first round pick that it was not useful. He did it by finding guys like Steve Kerr, Luc Longley, Ron Harper and other role players who worked in the system perfectly.
Not my first choice for the list of terrible GMs, never mind naming the F’ing list after him.
Okay. So who’s in that pile you ask?
So Danny Ainge has removed himself from the Jerry Krause list. The idiot has left the Garden. Congrats. The imbecilic role he had mastered over the last four years as Executive Director of Basketball Operations all makes sense now and can all be excused (and can all be worth it) once the KG era begins.
Jerry Krause, former GM of the Chicago Bulls. Now it’s well documented that Krause did not draft Michael Jordan, but he put together the core of the championship teams, including digging Phil Jackson out of the CBA. Krause did an exceptional job with the Bulls, for a very long time. They won 6 championships under his watch. The biggest reason was Michael Jordan, of course, but he needed some good players to help out with.
Krause made bad picks, of course. All GMs do. He also did this:
- 1987 draft: Traded Olden Polynice for Scottie Pippen. Drafted Horace Grant in the same draft.
- Traded Charles Oakley for Bill Cartwright, a move that was needed for them to make a championship run. He saw Grant’s ability before Jordan, who killed him for this trade but later admitted it was needed to take the Bulls to the next level.
- Drafted Toni Kukoc in the second round of the 1990 draft. This was well before the explosion of foreign players into the league. Kukoc was a solid contributor and won a 6th man award with the Bulls.
- Traded Will Purdue to San Antonio for Dennis Rodman before the ’95-96 season.
- Gave Phil Jackson his shot.
Krause’s problem is that his ego got big and he wanted more of the credit for the Bulls success. He’s famous for the “organizations with championships” quote, which was implied to downplay the impact that Jordan, Pippen, and Phil Jackson had on the team. He made some poor trades towards the tail end of his tenure (Brand, Artest/Miller, etc.), although he did draft pretty well. For all his faults, he did a real good job for 10 years of making sure that team had solid players around Jordan, while typically having such a low first round pick that it was not useful. He did it by finding guys like Steve Kerr, Luc Longley, Ron Harper and other role players who worked in the system perfectly.
Not my first choice for the list of terrible GMs, never mind naming the F’ing list after him.
Tuesday, June 12, 2007
Scoop Jackson Says Lebron is the New He!
Can you believe it? We finally have a new HE?? I've been waiting for so long. If this doesn't make any sense to you, I'll let Scoop take it away.
LeBron has made the NBA Finals. What does that mean?
That he had a great conference finals and he has shown us a glimpse of how dominant he can be? No....much much much much more??
It means the city of Cleveland can breathe. Breathe in a way it's never breathed before. It means Art Modell, Earnest Byner, Craig Ehlo and every member of the '97 Indians can breathe.
What the hell did Craig Ehlo do wrong? Are people in Cleveland cursing him out because he didn't block Jordan's ‘jump in the air, going left, pump game winner jumper' in 1989? Those are some hard-ass fans. More likely, though, is that Scoop just threw that in there without thinking about it. In fact, Ehlo hit a tough layup with 3 seconds left to give the Cavs the lead in that game. Jordan had hit a jumper with 8 or 9 seconds left to put Chicago up one.
It means tanking games works. Sometimes.
It works when you get a historically good number 1 pick. You didn’t know this already? No one was tanking to take Michael Olowokandi.
It means so many of us were so right for so long, and so wrong at the same time.
We were all right that he was good, what were we wrong about? Just because you are being abstract, it doesn't mean you're being smart.
It means he made us look like fools for doubting him after Game 1.
Game 1 of the NBA finals made me look smart for saying after game 1 of the Eastern finals that he is great but not ready to carry his team to a title, and his team isn’t good enough.
It means we can't doubt him again until he fails. It means Game 5 is bigger now than it was last week. It means the haters have been silenced. For now.
What haters? Who has been disrespecting Lebron James unfairly? Maybe I'm missing all this Lebron hate.
It means he might be He.
ABSTRACT DOES NOT EQUAL SMART!!!! "He might be He".... is a terrible attempt at sounding profound. It also means….nothing. It also means.....everything! See how that's dumb?
It means he's grown up. He is no longer a kid, and we can no longer mention his age when we talk about him.
In today’s NBA filled with high schoolers who jumped to the NBA, no one really does mention the age after like 4 years.
It means he can say to Dwyane Wade, "I got there without Shaq."
Sure. He can say it to Kobe too.
It means the league has the savior it's been looking for since … the original He retired.
Ohhhh….Michael Jordan is “he”. Or was “he”. But Lebron is the new “he”. This makes total sense. In the sense that it would only makes sense to Scoop Jackson. It would be a real mindfuck if, say, Bob Pettit was the "original He" that he's talking about. Or Connor HEnry.
It means -- as great as LeBron is -- he won't be the best player on the court in these Finals. There will be nights in this series when the world will see how great Tim Duncan really is. That will push LeBron not to settle. It will remind him that, although he is the league, he is not yet the game.
-----Me: “Scoop is Lebron pretty much ‘The League’”
-----Scoop: “Yes, but he’s not ‘The Game’, but he may be ‘The He’”
-----Me: Nods slowly, begins backing away.
Also, are people really still discovering Tim Duncan and his greatness? Didn’t I hear how great he was in 1997, when he was the number 1 pick in the draft? Or when he won the league MVP in 2002 and 2003? Or when he won championships in 1999, 2003, and 2005 and was named the freakin MVP of the Finals in which his teams won those championships? Or when he won the Rookie of the Year award? Or when he started at Center for Team USA in the Olympics in 2004? Does the world watch the Olympics? Tim Duncan has played 10 years, and has been All-NBA first team and All NBA first team Defense 9 and 7 times. The one ommission from the All-NBA first team and 3 from All NBA first team on defense, he was on the second team. I’m pretty sure the basketball fans of the world knew of this Duncan character a while ago.
It means the East is that bad. (But we can't blame the Cavs for that.) It means, years from now, we might look back at LeBron's first trip to the Finals as being more about how bad the East was -- like when Iverson took Philly to the Finals six years ago.
Please reconcile this statement with this entire column about how making the finals means something fucking grandtastic for Lebron. It means so much that you’ve written “it means” like 50 times followed by some nonsense. Then you point out that he got there in a historically crappy conference, so it shouldn’t be blown out of proportion.
It means he will further ascend, beyond basketball, into that area of pop culture reserved for the chosen few. It means LeBron-mania is here, and bootleggers will have his face on more shirts, songs will be sung in cafés, lyrics will be dropped on freestyles, poems will be written by fans and sent to columnists, to further our belief in him.
Songs will not be sung in cafes, lyrics have been dropped in freestyles about tons of players anyway (Public Enemy – Chris Webber / Redman – Marbury / Method Man & Redman – Pippen…. plus lots of Shaq and Jordan references and like a thousand others), and there will be no poem writing. Thanks.
It means Skip Bayless will have to stop calling him Prince James, and Peter Vecsey will have to stop calling him LeBrat.
Skip Bayless is a tool who jerks off every time he makes a pun or writes a play on words he finds clever. Skip Bay-less, more like “Skip WAY-Less….talent than the average writer!” That’s Skip Bayless’ style. You really can’t get too riled up by what he says.
It means the Spurs might not be the underdog in this series, but the nation will consider them the enemy. It means (more) millions will fall deeper in love with him.
Only you Scoop. “Fall deeper in love with him” is a tad dramatic for me.
LeBron has made the NBA Finals. What does that mean?
That he had a great conference finals and he has shown us a glimpse of how dominant he can be? No....much much much much more??
It means the city of Cleveland can breathe. Breathe in a way it's never breathed before. It means Art Modell, Earnest Byner, Craig Ehlo and every member of the '97 Indians can breathe.
What the hell did Craig Ehlo do wrong? Are people in Cleveland cursing him out because he didn't block Jordan's ‘jump in the air, going left, pump game winner jumper' in 1989? Those are some hard-ass fans. More likely, though, is that Scoop just threw that in there without thinking about it. In fact, Ehlo hit a tough layup with 3 seconds left to give the Cavs the lead in that game. Jordan had hit a jumper with 8 or 9 seconds left to put Chicago up one.
It means tanking games works. Sometimes.
It works when you get a historically good number 1 pick. You didn’t know this already? No one was tanking to take Michael Olowokandi.
It means so many of us were so right for so long, and so wrong at the same time.
We were all right that he was good, what were we wrong about? Just because you are being abstract, it doesn't mean you're being smart.
It means he made us look like fools for doubting him after Game 1.
Game 1 of the NBA finals made me look smart for saying after game 1 of the Eastern finals that he is great but not ready to carry his team to a title, and his team isn’t good enough.
It means we can't doubt him again until he fails. It means Game 5 is bigger now than it was last week. It means the haters have been silenced. For now.
What haters? Who has been disrespecting Lebron James unfairly? Maybe I'm missing all this Lebron hate.
It means he might be He.
ABSTRACT DOES NOT EQUAL SMART!!!! "He might be He".... is a terrible attempt at sounding profound. It also means….nothing. It also means.....everything! See how that's dumb?
It means he's grown up. He is no longer a kid, and we can no longer mention his age when we talk about him.
In today’s NBA filled with high schoolers who jumped to the NBA, no one really does mention the age after like 4 years.
It means he can say to Dwyane Wade, "I got there without Shaq."
Sure. He can say it to Kobe too.
It means the league has the savior it's been looking for since … the original He retired.
Ohhhh….Michael Jordan is “he”. Or was “he”. But Lebron is the new “he”. This makes total sense. In the sense that it would only makes sense to Scoop Jackson. It would be a real mindfuck if, say, Bob Pettit was the "original He" that he's talking about. Or Connor HEnry.
It means -- as great as LeBron is -- he won't be the best player on the court in these Finals. There will be nights in this series when the world will see how great Tim Duncan really is. That will push LeBron not to settle. It will remind him that, although he is the league, he is not yet the game.
-----Me: “Scoop is Lebron pretty much ‘The League’”
-----Scoop: “Yes, but he’s not ‘The Game’, but he may be ‘The He’”
-----Me: Nods slowly, begins backing away.
Also, are people really still discovering Tim Duncan and his greatness? Didn’t I hear how great he was in 1997, when he was the number 1 pick in the draft? Or when he won the league MVP in 2002 and 2003? Or when he won championships in 1999, 2003, and 2005 and was named the freakin MVP of the Finals in which his teams won those championships? Or when he won the Rookie of the Year award? Or when he started at Center for Team USA in the Olympics in 2004? Does the world watch the Olympics? Tim Duncan has played 10 years, and has been All-NBA first team and All NBA first team Defense 9 and 7 times. The one ommission from the All-NBA first team and 3 from All NBA first team on defense, he was on the second team. I’m pretty sure the basketball fans of the world knew of this Duncan character a while ago.
It means the East is that bad. (But we can't blame the Cavs for that.) It means, years from now, we might look back at LeBron's first trip to the Finals as being more about how bad the East was -- like when Iverson took Philly to the Finals six years ago.
Please reconcile this statement with this entire column about how making the finals means something fucking grandtastic for Lebron. It means so much that you’ve written “it means” like 50 times followed by some nonsense. Then you point out that he got there in a historically crappy conference, so it shouldn’t be blown out of proportion.
It means he will further ascend, beyond basketball, into that area of pop culture reserved for the chosen few. It means LeBron-mania is here, and bootleggers will have his face on more shirts, songs will be sung in cafés, lyrics will be dropped on freestyles, poems will be written by fans and sent to columnists, to further our belief in him.
Songs will not be sung in cafes, lyrics have been dropped in freestyles about tons of players anyway (Public Enemy – Chris Webber / Redman – Marbury / Method Man & Redman – Pippen…. plus lots of Shaq and Jordan references and like a thousand others), and there will be no poem writing. Thanks.
It means Skip Bayless will have to stop calling him Prince James, and Peter Vecsey will have to stop calling him LeBrat.
Skip Bayless is a tool who jerks off every time he makes a pun or writes a play on words he finds clever. Skip Bay-less, more like “Skip WAY-Less….talent than the average writer!” That’s Skip Bayless’ style. You really can’t get too riled up by what he says.
It means the Spurs might not be the underdog in this series, but the nation will consider them the enemy. It means (more) millions will fall deeper in love with him.
Only you Scoop. “Fall deeper in love with him” is a tad dramatic for me.
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