Friday, September 21, 2007

Red Sox – Yankees Games Are So Long…..

You: How long are they?

Scott Miller: So long I wrote over 850 words about it with a ton of jokes!

The Red Sox and Yankees play long games. There, that was easy. A little boring, yes, but easy. But the problem is that I’m not funny, so that wasn’t entertaining. Scott Miller at CBS, now that guy is funny. Don’t believe me? Well read here how he tells you that the Red Sox and Yankees play long games. This is probably not safe for work or if you’re eating, because you’re riotous laughter will probably get you fired, or you may just choke to death (see, i'm not funny).

Weekend Buzz: You can catch Z's in ALCS if Yankees, Sox meet

Some excerpts:

Except, when they get together with the Yankees, "steaming" isn't quite the correct verb. "Plodding", maybe. "Walking." "Lollygagging."

So…the games are long. Okay.

During their 18-game series this summer, the average time of a Yankees-Red Sox game was 3 hours and 35 minutes. The average nine-inning AL game lasted 2:54.

A grand total of 17 of the 18 Red Sox-Yankees games lasted three hours or longer, seven of the 18 were 3½ hours or longer and two of the 17 took more than four hours to play.

Just one lasted fewer than three hours -- barely. New York's 8-3 win on May 23 checked in at 2:59.

Informative, nice work. Thanks. That’s a lot of info that is mildly interesting.

Zzzzz. ...

Ahahahaha….you “fell asleep”. Hi-larious.

Geez, no wonder Daisuke Matsuzaka (14-12, 4.41 ERA) hasn't been all that for the Red Sox this year. The guy threw 120 pitches on Friday and it only got him through 5 2/3 innings. Last laugh is on him regarding that supposedly luxurious six-year, $52 million contract. It works out to about 12 cents an hour in Yankees games.

The games are so long that…$8.5+ million/year = 12 cents….per hour…pretty funny! That’s funny because Daisuke makes a lot of money so the games must be real long for his hourly rate to be so diluted!

Not a good joke, but whatever we can’t all be as funny as Gene Wojciechowski (myself definitely included). The problem is that it doesn’t end there.

On Red Sox reliever Hideki Okajima's recent struggles:

Perhaps the "Okey-Dokey" wouldn't be fading in Fenway if the Red Sox and Yankees didn't play at hokey-pokey pace.



The Yankees and Red Sox may have the game's two highest payrolls, but they continue to play like a couple of persnickety art collectors.

Wow, just wow. Because they are really detailed? I don’t get it.

Not that Friday night's game took forever, but after watching the first inning on television, I mowed my grass twice, washed my fleet of cars, shot a round of golf, cooked a six-course dinner ... and still caught the last three innings.

Right. Long. Gotcha.

On the prospect of another Yankees – Red Sox ALCS:

This happens again, then Fox should ask for 3 p.m. start times -- so that innings 6 through 9 can be played in prime time, rather than at 2 a.m. No-Doz can sponsor.

So, in this case, you could have thrown any one of those jokes in there and it merely would have been a bad joke following some informative data on game lengths. You have to just use your best joke and end it. I’ll use an example to show what I mean:

Me: Stu, did you see the Red Sox game last night.

Stuart Scott: A little, I was sort of half watching it.

Me: Oh right, because of your lazy eye. Well it was so long I think Roger Clemens retired in the 3rd and unretired in the 8th.

Stuart Scott: What did you say?

Me: It was so long I’m pretty sure I could have driven to Fenway from the Bronx in the fourth and made it by the 7th inning stretch.

Stuart Scott: About MY EYE?

Me: It was so long that Tim Wakefield changed his name to Tim Sleepfield and Philip Hughes to Philip SNOOZE!

Me: It was so long that I mowed my grass twice, washed my fleet of cars, shot a round of golf, cooked a six course dinner…and still caught the last three innings.

See how that got progressively worse? Don’t do that. One joke and end it.

1 comment:

larry b said...

your critique of that article was so medium length, a number of normal things occurred while i was reading it! i ate part of a bowl of cereal, watched part of a tv show, and sat comfortably on my couch.