Brad Evans: Punsmith Extraordinaire

Brad Evans is back with some head scratching pop-culture references and puns. Just a short summary.

Jason Bartlett:

Lowdown: Nah, na na na nah! Bartlett is the hot stepper.

Woah woah woah woah woah. Woah. Woah. Woah. Woah. (sorry I was in Peter Griffin mode) Ini fucking Kamoze? What? That’s terrible. I spent 3 years trying to get that song out of my head. In fact I read this column a few days ago and I’ve had it in my head off and on since then. Reader of this blog, If you’ve never heard it or you forget it, just forget that you read this. Whatever you do, don’t go here. it will be in your head for months. You’re going there aren’t you? Well maybe it won’t stick for you, it was on MTV all the time in like 1994.

Zack Greinke:

Lowdown: If "preppie" Zack Greinke is ever given the ball in the ninth, he should enter games with this "Saved by the Bell" Zack Attack classic playing over the loudspeakers.

Unlike Barlett’s, this statement at least has something remotely to do with the players name. I would have given him extra points if we had Ms. Bliss worked in there, but this is still a pretty cool reference. Seriously, it’s a good reference that most people of a certain age will get and chuckle at. We need more of this, Brad Evans.

Nick Swisher

Lowdown: Swish, dude, have you seen my bong? Immersed in an abhorrent 23-105 (.219 BA) slump since June 1, Swisher has puffed 35 points off his season average.

Brad, dude, all the goodwill from Zack Greinke and you come with this? Unless Nick Swisher had a pot bust that I missed, this is just a retarded, unfunny statement.

Troy Glaus

Glaus' maddening boom-and-bust cycles makes him fantasy's version of irritable bowel syndrome.

I’m going to do what your editor did and just leave that alone. It’s not what he should have done though.

Rickie Weeks

"Nine ½" Weeks' batting average has tumbled faster than Mickey Rourke's career.

9 ½ weeks? Eh, that’s a little too Chris Berman for me. Meaning, it’s a little too obvious, and it sucks donkey balls.

Dan Haren:

Lowdown: Grab a sharpened razor and shave Haren – along with his Bruce Sutter beard– off your team.

Shave. Haren. Hair. En. I get it. Ha ha. Somewhat saved by the Bruce Sutter reference, but not completely.

But how about that Zack Attack reference folks!